Don't be surprised if you don't get your favorite dinner this evening.
She is still very much in the "me" mode and acting childish. Don't change your plans for her. She needs to learn that you are not going to be at her beck and call.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Don't be surprised if you don't get your favorite dinner this evening.
She is still very much in the "me" mode and acting childish. Don't change your plans for her. She needs to learn that you are not going to be at her beck and call.
Take care of yourself.
Snodderly and all of you ^^^^ you have been so much help I can't tell you -- I emailed your posts to my phone so I can read them when I need encouragement !!!
I won't change my plans for her -- I bent over backwards for her for a year and she just got less and less attracted to me and treated me worse and worse -- I feel so good about myself for standing my ground and without the support here I could not have done it -- thanks again for all your support !!
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Have you considered getting take-out instead? Seriously? Maybe even eat it before you go home so you're not hungry??
Either way, don't be surprised NO MATTER what you find when you get home. But that was very well played on your part and I applaud that.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Have you considered getting take-out instead? Seriously? Maybe even eat it before you go home so you're not hungry??
Either way, don't be surprised NO MATTER what you find when you get home. But that was very well played on your part and I applaud that.
AJ
Thanks AJ -- why is it so hard to stand up to her - I think it's all the guilt I have about the ways I wasn't a great husband - but no one deserves to be a doormat --
Plenty of stuff to eat in the house so I will not starve LOL
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Another voice of support for you sunny. Be strong, my man, You can do this, you have to.
Thanks FY -- you rock and it seems we are in the same part of our marital journeys together -- lets pray for each other.
I am not sure I understand DBing completely - they say to validate and agree with everything they say but in this case I am not so I am doing it but very confused.
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Hi Sunny! Keeping a PMA is not easy all the time that's for sure, some days it seems down right impossible.... here are some of the things that help me.
1. When I start thinking negative about this situation,I try to think about something positive, like a complement someone gave me recently, or helping someone out and they appreciated it, makes me remember I'm not crazy.
2. I made a list of everything that was making me happy recently (I posted it a few months ago). The list included simple things like the sound of church bells.
3. I keep telling myself, GOD HAS A PLAN!!!! (It's my mantra lately)
4. I also remind myself to make sure I am doing and saying things out of love (no revenge, that never ends well).
5. Just laugh. Sometimes that's the only thing to do, especially with some of the stuff they will pull!
6. Remember YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
7. Blaring Toby Mac's Gone and singing at the top of my lungs also makes me happy (this should be done in the car, not in the presence of the MLCer). It reminds me I do have some control, I can leave anytime I want to if I so choose.
8. Do something silly, do something fun, do something YOU have always wanted to... it's amazing how great it can make you feel!
9. Pray, pray, pray and pray some more!
10. Read something inspirational be it a book or just an inspirational quote.
To help develop a PMA here's a technique that I learned from a previous coach that you may also find helpful.
Get a notebook and set aside 10-15 minutes everyday for this exercise. Choose a time that will work well for you so you develop this into a habit. First thing in the morning or right before bed is best for most people.
Then, list three things you appreciate, or are thankful or grateful for. You can't repeat, so each day you must come up with 3 new things. This will train your mind to look for the positive things in your life, both large and small.
On another page, list one action you can take, or task you can do, that will make your life more fulfilled, or give you a feeling of accomplishment. It doesn't have to be something big, and you don't have to do this action/task, (although you may) you just have to come up with a new item each day. This will train your mind to realize that there are options available to you that will help improve your attitude.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Don't be surprised if you don't get your favorite dinner this evening.
She is still very much in the "me" mode and acting childish. Don't change your plans for her. She needs to learn that you are not going to be at her beck and call.
Take care of yourself.
Hit it right on the head snodderly !!! - I thought she would make dinner anyway but you were right !!
Walked in like everything was normal sid hello to my son kissed and hugged him - got complete silent treatment from my wife !! -- Even after he went to sleep I was watching my tv show and she walked out of the room I just sat there with a strong confident face with a light smile. This morning I got my son up and dressed and she walked in the bathroom and was friendly I just acted like everything was normal. Turns out she did get a sitter for Saturday but she will only be at the concert from 10 till 11:30 cuz the sitter cant sit past 12 there is a good chance I will have to see her with this guy Raul on Sat not looking forward to seeing this buthead -- but from what I understand she is telling people she is divorced when that absolutely is not the case -- so Raul is buddys with my BF Mike - what do I do if he introduces him to me --
Feeling very strong and confident yet feeling like my guts are getting ripped out at the same time -- thanks for all your help !!
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
