My H still lives with me. My H is having an EA and PA with an au pair hired to take care of the kids. My H and the OW are both from the same overseas country. She took care of my H and acted like his wife, while I took care of the kids, but she took the credit for that too. She didn't give me a second alone with him the whole time she was here. She has recently left after much persuasion from me. My H said also the he loves the OW in emails. He also wrote that she is the one, that she completes him, that they will be lovers forever, that she is a better Mother and that they will take my kids (I have secured our passports). He thinks I am a manipulating, evil person who lies about everything. He recently told his family that I have had 4 affairs during our relationship. I have never had an affair and I can tell you have never spoken with the devil. At the moment I believe 50% of what I see and NOTHING of what I hear or read on the email.

My H also said numerous times that he was moving out, and has told me to pack my bags at least 4 times. He still lives with me so I have that as proof.

My advice to you is don't believe a word of what he says. He may very well love her right now, but he loved you 10 years.

Every time I turned my back my H was calling, texting or emailing the OW.

After one week of DBing my H said to me that he told the OW not to call so often. This was a big step, because it has actually been followed up by action.

Mind you my H lies all the time. He previously told me he never called her, but I have the telephone bill, which says otherwise amongst other proven lies.

My point is that my H has done a whole lot of really [censored] stuff, which I can never forgive. I did the same stuff you are doing right now which only drove him further away. What do I do now differently, I love him and accept the situation as it is. Im not going to argue with him, I agree with everything he says, I didn't pressure him in any way about anything not even to end the affair, in fact I act as if doesn't matter, but I tell him if asked that he shouldn't expect me to be happy when OW calls. He is his own person, he is not me. I accept now that he doesn't owe me anything. I wouldn't do such a thing, but I don't impose my ideals and don't expect him to live up to anything. Im kind of treating him like a fallen cousin instead of a fallen H.

I think you should call your H. Make sure you have something necessary to talk about (he left his toothbrush does he want to pick it up or should you throw it out, something like that). Make it short and business like. Small, happy talk. Make out like your enjoying having your space and freedom. Don't mention that you said you'd never speak to him again. Act like it doesn't matter. He has been lying and saying things he doesn't mean, so he'll be expecting that you are doing the same. He proberly won't even remember you said it. If you can't talk without arguing then try writing a letter or email. Write about why deep in your heart you belong with him. Thats what I wrote about and it helped a bit. You have to really mean what you say and don't be judgemental or tell him that you need him or love him. I also wrote what I'd be doing in 5 years time, with or without him, but that I'd like him to be there if he wanted to. That seemed to help too. I could't have a telephone conversation without arguing, pressuring, either. So writing really helped.

I spoke to his mother last night, who called me knowing he wasn't at home. She said his father was a sailor with a woman in every port and the stuff he was doing to me was the same as what his father did to her. Belittling making me feel worthless accusing me of cheating etc etc. So I was in a panic last night thinking he'll be like his father and he'll always be cheating and lying and making me feel like [censored]. Luckily the DBing books arrived today and told me otherwise.

You should commend yourself for being so strong that you didn't run off and turn your back in the face of adversity, but don't on the other hand condemn your H. I would concentrate on something else.

Why do you think you two are destined to be together? What makes you better than the OW? (those two questions I asked myself)

My thought of the moment

Pride is when you have embraced the hardships along the way to your goal.