Help on how to behave

[25yearsmlc]

HAVE YOU READ THE DVI BUSTING OR DIV REMEDY BOOKS? B/C SOME OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS THE OPPOSITE OF DBing...

please read the book(s) asap.

Hi, its been quiet tonight. W not mentioned guaranot again. She slept in separate bed last night. She has resorted to filling in social housing applications.

Spoke to OM ex W who suspects he left her cos of A with W. Feel a bit stupid now.


Why are YOU speaking to the w of OM? What is your goal? Be clear here.

What is your goal--you may be cementing the end of THEIR marriage, making him more available to your w, and harming another family?

Don't corner anyone, especially yourself.

Learn the difference between boundaries from healthy self respect,

and the punitive lashing out of a wounded ego. Sometimes it's a fine line. But a lot of what you are doing or want to do, sounds like a man with a lot of anger and pride, REACTING instead of making smart healthy choices.

Are you here to save your marriage or end it faster?



He left about same time as W had confused feelings. There is no proof and I am not looking for any. But I have to assume that A is happening.


WHY would you "HAVE TO ASSUME" THAT? No you don't have to. You "have to" protect yourself financially but you need assume nothing.

And if you have no proof, you are needlessly hurting their marriage or chance for a recon, AND your own. WHY would you do that?

Read the DB book and GET A DB COACH ASAP...SERIOUSLY, they are cheaper than divorce so don't use money as an excuse.

Your timeline is SO SHORT it's crazy to me. Before you do irreparable damage to your m, HIRE A DB COACH and slow this train down!


It all clicks into place. W wld not admit to A

DO NOT ASK HER AGAIN! JUST BE THE BETTER CHOICE...AND READ THE DB BOOK.

IT'S FRUSTRATING TO POST TO SOMEONE WITH AS MANY POSTS AS YOU HAVE-

ONLY TO REALIZE YOU MUST NOT HAVE READ THE BOOK...you need to understand the basis of our solution based approach here.

Like your last long post - was going line by line with hers to ARGUE SOME MORE ABOUT THE PAST...do NOT engage in that.

Show you that you won't, by NOT doing it. Teach her to be in the present so you guys can work on things.

And are these your kids or not? so where do you want or expect THEM to live? I'm just asking.

cos her ex H left her because of A. She knows the anger that will cause with family etc hence why she has cut them off. I think the plan was to move out and then they can say it happened since!

all of this^^^ is useless mind reading and it's ALL negative too...

That does NOT help your situation. Do you get that?

How do I handle this going forwards. Not sure yet if A is a dealbreaker or not. Want to keep on the db path for now. OM ex W wants to confront her H.


"Keep on the db path"?? GET ON IT FIRST AND THEN STAY ON IT...

as for OM's ex w? Why are YOU involved in their m at all? It's none of your business and you cannot gain by inserting yourself into it.

Especially since you have no proof but even if you did. NOT YOUR BUSINESS! It's theirs and theirs only.

IF she confronts, chances are HER Pride and HER ANGER, will cement her choice to leave---- and so, how does that help YOU??

Back off...way off.

Also wld appreciate opinions on is this going to ever happen for me given these last few days.

hire a DB coach and read the book. I have a VERY hard time believing you read it and if you did

read it again. The whole book. Start detaching and get a realistic time frame b/c anyone with kids

who wants to end things or corner his wife into ending it, THIS FAST, is not a very patient person.

Look at my signature to get a grip on what real timelines are for repairing damaged m's.

See if your w will go to Retrovaille. Given the way you both communicate and both want to "WIN" and "BE RIGHT" (rather than be happy or married)

I doubt she'll go anytime soon. Build up some peace between you. Conversations without conflict and do NOT escalate. Get off the phone if she rants but always do it calmly. Men in charge of their emotions are appealing, men who are not, are not.

Good luck