Here is my story. I will try to be as comprehensive as I can, but will probably not be as my head is in a million places right now.
Background : Got together at young age. Been together several years. Ups and downs in early years. Eventually she wanted to get married, and also wanted a kid. I held back at both, but agreed we should have a child as long as she understood my life situation(I often work long hours and cant always be depended on). This was a couple years ago. Anyway, got pregnant and had a kid. Still work irregular. Try best as I can to combine family/work. I change diapers and other dad stuff and take time for family trips/events.
Time before doomsday: She pulls most of the load with the kid because of my work situation. I am not as good at giving her attention as I should. I realise that I have to step up and make changes to give us a better future together, and marry her if things go right. Start planning my strategy. More time off for one thing. Start slowly acting on my strategy. She talks a bit with a guy she met at a friends, and tells him she is attracted to him and he tells the same. I find out and she explained that it gave her a good feeling to see someone found her attractive, but ment nothing more. She tells him she will not act on her attraction so no need to go there(not knowing I read that). She says, thought, that she wants to keep things open(not knowing I read that either) This guy is in a relationship.
Doomsday: I tell her if we give it a go she needs to cut contact with the guy. She says I'm controlling and is afraid we will end up in same situation as the early year. She doesn't want to fall in that pit were I get suspicious of everything. After a lot of talking ends up saying it's over. I can tell she is serious. She was planning on telling me this even before said conversation. I am (like many have been probably) caught completely off guard and is destroyed. Even though we've been discussing the possibility we might not handle our relationship. She loves me, but is exhausted and doesn't want to try anything. I try and try to persuade. Alas.
Couple days later(now): She asked me to move back to my apartment the following day, which I have done. Before started reading here I came to a conclusion. I need to work on myself, and keep my life on a healthy and good direction. She excepted a lot from me in our relationship, and I realised I took her more for granted then what I thought before. I accept and see that she is determined to call it quits, even though it hurts for her as well.
Now I'm kinda doing a 180. I don't nag and I focus on myself. Don't contact her unless important. When she is around I focus on her, stay happy and listen, but still give her space. No physical contact. I don't talk about our relationship or anything negative/positive about it.
I have to better myself, if not for her then at least for me, my kid and who ever will be my spouse in future.
She gives me mixed signals. She comes here when she really didn't have to. Beforehand it feels like she is gonna drop off the kid/or pick him up and leave straight a way. She ends up staying for an hour or 2 maybe more. Kinda lingering. Want's us to watch TV a bit etc. She contacts me txt/facebook about things that really aren't that urgent. But still she talks alot about exchanging our things and planning who/how/when in regards to the kid.
I really want us to work things out, but can't force her. Don't really know what to do. I'm thinking to go solo in couples therapy. Should I ask her to join? Even if she doesnt want a R? I don't want to cramp her.
Any advice on how to proceed? Am I doing 180 to early? She told me that within a few days she wants to talk about how to proceed(whatever she means by that). We been "seperated" not even a week.
