I'm sorry this is so confusing for you. I felt that you were in a good place, and now I'm afraid our bickering about various strategies (admittedly, some VERY diametrically opposed to each other) has only confused you and caused you to lose your mojo.
Your IC is right -- you don't have to do ANYTHING right now. There are ELEMENTS of even diametrically opposed posts that can be of benefit to you, if you can glean their pearls from the rest of our chatter.
When in doubt, if you are going to err I would advise that you err on the side of trying to follow the road of those that have been there before (authors, researchers, therapists and those who have lived it), and successfully navigated it. ASK QUESTIONS ("That seems counterintuitive; how did that work for you?") . . . or "That doesn't seem right to me; WHY do you recommend that?"
And read everything you can on infidelity. People caught up in affairs simply do NOT behave according to the same patterns and dynamics as those who are not. The GOOD news is, much of their behavior is very predictable, and we can help you separate the gaslighting from the true stuff that SHOULD sting.
Starsky
Starsky... And everyone else on this thread... I need to make something abundantly clear.
It's NOT the advice, no matter how disparate it is, that has put me in the place I've found myself in over the last 48 hours...
It's MY natural patterns and progressions that have done this.
My predilection to get SO down, SO unsure of myself, and SO sad and lonely whenever there's contact with my W and I'm reminded of what I'm fighting for.
Seeing her... Being in the same room even if only for 6 hours or so... feeling her in my arms... sharing laughter and crying... these things were bound to sting me badly no matter what.
Sometimes, in my GALing and 180s, I'm able to feign more strength than I actually have... That comes across on these boards sometimes... and when I'm faced with the reality of the situation... I realize that I'm not quite as strong as I believe myself to be.
And that's a good thing.
I really don't want anyone here to think that they've had anything to do with my wrecked emotions... my spinning compass... and my "Which way to go" attitude of late...
I SO VERY MUCH value and APPRECIATE ALL of your input... And your patience with me.
One day, I may make it my mission to visit each one of you and buy you a drink or dinner to thank you! But for now, please accept my sincere gratitude for all you're doing to help me.
And for God's sake... Don't Hold Back! No matter how big the 2x4 needs to be!
But for now, please accept my sincere gratitude for all you're doing to help me.
