I don't think that you have been very specific about her words re OM this past weekend. What did she say about OM?
Hey Denver... Well I didn't dive TOO much into OM this weekend, as I didn't want her to feel I was persecuting her and didn't want to let OM dominate our conversation.
In summary, she admitted that she is seeing OM. She told me that she didn't just go up there to be with him (which I believe), that she didn't decide to start seeing him as soon as she got up there (which I also believe), but that after she moved up there and was met with a couple weeks of silence... she began to wonder. She says we talked after she'd been up there for a couple weeks and I stated "Obviously, we're separated... I mean you moved away!". Although I don't remember saying that, I don't doubt that I did. She says that that after that particular conversation was when things started with OM (which I also believe).
Alk,
On what objective basis do you believe all these things to be true? In my experience, when a spouse is wayward, they will pretty much lie about it. ALL of it -- the timing, the nature of the relationship, the whole works.
I don't for a minute believe that she was faithful until YOU didn't respond to her. Sorry.
Starsky
Starsky, I completely get your skepticism here... And let me be clear, I don't think that she DIDN'T have an EA before... But I DO believe that she kept the PA out of it for a while...
Now did she not do ANYTHING PA related before I didn't respond... Probably not... But I heard the sentiment that she was giving here.
I know this is hard to believe... And I may be naive here... but I know my W's guilty conscience very well... And I know that she carries this stuff around inside her and it eats her up...
I also know her body language and mannerisms enough (Psychology major here ) to know when she's out and out lying about something...
Do I think that my lack of response CAUSED her to move the EA to a PA? HELL NO. But do I think that maybe she just needed that justification... That "othering" of me in order to justify it to herself... yes. Yes I do.
I don't blame myself for that... I know that if it wasn't the lack of a response to that particular exchange it would have been something else.
But I do absolutely believe that my W came clean this weekend... That she emptied out the vault of things that had been eating at her...
And even if she was lying to protect my feelings or her feelings... What does it matter the timeframe she proposes?
To me... It doesn't... She admitted to the PA... She was a big enough person to NOT deny it... to not try to hide it anymore.
And I'm thankful for that. If she tried to soften the blow by changing the timeframe... Who Cares? It makes no difference in the grand scheme. The PA exists. She owned up.
) to know when she's out and out lying about something...
