Hey Busting, Good job on leaving when you felt uncomfortable on Thursday, that's truly looking after your Self and listening to what you need to do. I am not so great at that.
I am distrustful of H when he is pleasant too. I think that's a good thing, it's self protection. People earn trust. I remain cautious but curious.
The trust issue is my hardest obstacle, too. If my H can just bail out from our M, forget his promises and vows before God and friends and family, what can I expect in the future if we R?
He's shown me, as yours has, that he can be cruel and heartless. I wonder if we'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop? It's not a good life when you're afraid to say something or do something or feel some way and wonder if that will trigger spew or worse, abandonment.
I've never been a LBS before this and I wonder if I'd be able to trust any man again?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Hi Bustingout, It sounds as though you are taking very good care of yourself. I'm so proud of you! Continue taking care of yourself. You deserve all the love and support for your efforts.
Remember YOU ARE AMAZING!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I've never been a LBS before this and I wonder if I'd be able to trust any man again?
I have thought of this too, how we ever trust anyone again, never mind our WAS? I would guess that is why everyone says that piecing is the hardest stage.
Sobering thought for sure.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I don't think we can trust what they say/do until they 'come out' of the fog.
This may never happen,
but in those sitches that I've read where it does, the WASs do seem to have enough personal insight to allow the LBSs to build trust again.
Busting, I know just what you mean about being scared of the niceness.
We're always damned if we do and damned if we don't in our current circumstances, I find.
If I show empathy, I'm being patronising; if I have a different view, I'm not listening; if I think that he's had some insight and might be recognising the hurt he's caused, I'm in for a nasty shock.
Guess it's just another reason to try to keep the focus on ourselves, continue to do our thing, and not react to what they do.
Tumbling, Vero, NG, NLW, SS...thank you for coming by. I really have been sitting with this trust issue for the past couple of days.
It didn't hit me so hard before, but now it seems to be coming to the surface. but i also am realizing that because i am not reacting, maybe i am finally detaching.
I make a conscious effort to be friendly with him regarding the kids...i can almost separate that from the sitch. although that is hard too because it requires me to initiate the contact while he is away. And although it is kid driven contact...if i didn't have a strong belief in nurturing their relationship with him, I would let that fade away too. Perhaps when they are older i can let go of this more and it can be driven by them.
Today was a good day. I had two of my girlfriends over and they played with D5 (ballet and makeup!) and then we all had dinner together. was really fun. Even S8 enjoyed it. And it made me realize we are not alone. We are a family with or without H and he is the one missing out on these beautiful moments. And that if it weren't for what happened i would not have met these two girlfriends probably and these lovely times together. I wouldn't have met any of you! and you all have become some of the dearest people in my life.
Take care everyone. Will go and check in on the other threads..
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
O Busting! What a lovely sounding day for D5 - I'd feel very special if 3 "big girls" did ballet and make-up with me when I was that age. It would be like having 3 fairy godmothers visit all at once.
Maybe you feel that trust thing more because you're moving to a more detached place where you can.
Just my thoughts
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
