Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

Rough - Learning to validate is a bit difficult for men who are fixers and a bit controlling. That was me... and something that I still have to focus on not doing EVERY day. But...

Validating means to truly just be her friend. If I came to you with a problem and asked you if you'd be willing to listen, what would you say as I described the problem to you? If you cared, you would probably listen intently, not interrupt, and probably not try to solve my problem.

Be a shoulder to lean on.

Actively listen = Listen intently. Look her in the eye. Don't interrupt. Don't be watching t.v., listening to music, using your smart phone, etc. Don't allow other things to interrupt, such as your phone etc.

I think that your list of responses is right, but you have to be sincere about it.

The first time that I had the opportunity to practice this with my W I was TRULY amazed by just how much she had to say. I realized that I had never just sat there, let her talk, and listened. I realized that when she would tell me about a problem, or the b!tch at work, or whatever, that my mind was always looking to solve it, calm her, tell her that she shouldn't do this or that.

Women like to talk about what is going on their lives. I'm sorry if that sounds sexist or like I'm stereotyping. But I think that its true. They just want us to listen to them. Put the damn football game on mute, and listen to them.

Figure out how to let the love you have for your W come out in just being sincere with her, and letting her be her.

Make sense?