Hello! 20 year marriage teetering on the brink...

[Wendylon]

seemed like W was embracing the single life briefly but is now falling back into wanting the family life.

I would take that as a great positive. She is obviously including you in family life. Presumably she could be seeing your D18 on her own. Also, I think it's a great positive that your W wanted to visit your sister. I remember that one of the first positives in my sitch 8 years ago was when H came with us to visit my sister and her new baby in hospital. Before that, he'd distanced himself from all things relating to my family.

Also, when we were on the long drive we made small talk and I asked her about her enabler friend... I also asked about the previously-mentioned guy that she showed some earlier interest

I know you mention that your questions about these two people would have seemed innocuous given that you know them but I wouldn't underestimate how finely tuned her senses would be to your motives in asking.

Other than that, she's shown no baby steps towards interest in me.

Maybe you're too close to the sitch to be objective about improvements but it sounds to me as if there are tons of positives. Even the 'babe' and nearly grabbing your shoulder. It's as if you're not wanting to see the positives for fear of getting your hopes up or being disappointed further down the line. Again, in my sitch 8 years ago, H lapsing into old endearments was a good sign. I can assure you that that doesn't happen with the WAS is still moving away.

Of course, you can't read too much into these things but I think it would help with patience and hopefulness if you can recognise the positives.

I feel encouraged about your sitch for you despite your interpretation of events!