Devastated

[mishka422]

It's a dating/trolling site. I honestly wouldn't suggest it. It's not really good for convo, you would have to weed through A LOT of knuckle draggers to find anyone worth talking to and then you run the risk of actually meeting someone. If your true desire is to save your M, then stay away from all of those sites!

[LaPoo]

Figures..just my luck.

[LaPoo]

Thanks Mishka...I thought my GAL was going well but H continues to ask questions about what I'm doing, where I'm going,what time I'm leaving work, etc. It's so hard to be mysterious when I feel obligated to answer his inquiries yet I don't ask him about his comings and goings. I don't want to stay couped up in the house..So frustrating right now.

[Drew]

It's so hard to be mysterious when I feel obligated to answer his inquiries yet I don't ask him about his comings and goings.

Why do you feel obligated to answer?

"I have plans."

With a smile.

[mishka422]

Exactly Drew. 'I have plans' is sufficient.

Trust me, I had the same problem. I am, by nature, a very forthcoming person and everything just naturally falls out of my mouth. I had to fight my natural inclinations.

[labug]

^^^Agree.

Don't know where you live but if you're in a large enough city, Meet-Up might be an option for meeting people with similar interests. Someone else is going to Toastmasters. Book or movie clubs can be fun.

[LaPoo]

I got off work early yesterday and decided to meet up with a friend at a local restaurant. H called while we were there.
H: what r u doing?
M: got off work early and decided to hang out a bit
H: where?
M: Happy Mexican
H: who r u with?
M: a friend
H: Who?
M: Nicole
H: Send me a pic of you and your friend
M: what?
H: send me a pic of you and your friend or I'm going to be really angry
M: sent pic of me and my friend. Felt so embrassed and afraid if I didn't that he would just pack up and leave.
Later at home he went into sick mode. Said he had a stomach ache. Slept on the couch. No communication. Only smurks.

Fast Forward: I took a vacation day from work today. I did not tell H. I wanted some me time to think about my sitch, pray, do some much needed chores and just try to regroup. H is still lying on the couch and hasn't gone to work. I feel like my me time is interrupted which is usually the case.

[labug]

That's not right. That's scary controlling and on the line of abusive. Has your R always been like this?

Is this OK with you?

What do you want?

[LaPoo]

Before the A, we both knew the whereabouts of each other. He'd ask and I never gave it a second thought. But now that I'm in this sitch, part of my 180 is not to be so forthcoming, it's difficult.

I want to aggressively get a life. I need that for me. Some attempts of GAL are successful but he noticed the changes and now questions my whereabouts that makes GAL more difficult. He holds the "I will leave" tactic over my head yet continues communication w/OW. H is no longer engaged with my family and tries to keep me away from his. It appears to me that he is tryn to remain married as well as keep OW. I don't want to wallow in that. I want to GAL to strengthen me. The only time he is not asking me about me is when he is w/OW and I think that is on Sundays. This is the day he says he's spending time with his family.

[mishka422]

Ok..........

He is transferring his own guilt onto you by playing the 'I don't trust you' card. Send him a picture of you and your friend or he'll be angry???? WTH????? That is just plain wrong! Have you given him any reason not to trust you? If not, and if he is still dangling the 'I'll leave' card, then you need to seriously take a much larger step back from his insanity.

The hypocrisy of the situation is completely lost on him. He is cake eating in the worst way. It's up to you though to stop it. He will keep taking from both you and OW and spinning in the cycle of crazy until a stop is put to it.

He won't be the one to stop it. Trust me. This is OH so familiar. Mine did the same thing. Of course, it's up to you to decide how much crazy you are willing to accept.