A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[Denver_2010]

I don't think that you have been very specific about her words re OM this past weekend. What did she say about OM?

In her mind, as we were/are separated, this isn't an Affair, and this isn't cheating (Something my IC was VERY adamant in pointing out... that she probably doesn't see this as an affair or as cheating as she took the steps to separate before pursuing a PA.)

My W's opinion on the subject too. I still sometimes wonder what she would have thought if it had been that left and began dating. I don't think that she'd have the same opinion... in fact, I KNOW she wouldn't. People will always justify their actions rather than admit that what they are doing is shady and wrong.

However... I do agree with the motto... "I'd rather be happy than right"

I validated this thinking, as I truly understand her opinion on it, even if I don't agree.

I could never validate what my W had to say about it. Even during our S we had a couple of heated conversations about the definition of her actions.

I really never have resolved the question in my own mind. I think that ultimately it is just wrong, and that you should be divorced before dating. But I also know that had it been me that left, I may have done the same thing. I also see that we, as human beings, are just looking for happiness. It is sometimes hard to put that aside when you honestly believe that you are done with the marriage. I see both sides of the argument.

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Can you see yourself pursuing her, having contact with her, being there for her emotionally, knowing that she may be sleeping in the bed of an OM?

I don't mean to be hurtfully blunt, but that was something that I could not see myself doing.

Waiting it out? Yes. For a while. Actively being a part of her life while knowing that OM could be with her that night, cuddling with her on the couch, or while I was on the phone with her... no way. It was hard enough putting those thoughts out of my mind while trying to detach and be dark.

I'm just wondering how you look at this... what you think about?