When I started this journey, during the years of my husband's affair, successful reconciliation, and eventual demise of our marriage, I did a lot of self-examination and read a lot of self-help books. On a couple of occasions, I made lists (inspired by the books) of things I would like to do some day.
I'd spent so much of my marriage raising my kids, tending to my H's mood swings and needs, that like many wives, my own needs and desires took a back seat.
Now, almost 4 years since he split, I find I am living a much more authentic life:
I live in a much less pretentious neighborhood and I prefer it.
Although I have less money, I feel like I am on more stable financial ground because my expenses are aligned with my goals (unlike in my marriage, where my ex sometimes made impulsive decisions)
I play the drums in a rock band. (Oddly enough, I keep finding scraps of paper from years ago which list learning to sing and playing in a band as ambitions on those bucket lists - I honestly have no conscious recollection of writing those things at that time, but years later they came true!)
My circle of friends are much better suited to me than the friends I had in my marriage (mostly my ex's friends, since he really didn't care to spend time with the people I liked)
In new relationships, I am learning to be more honest with them, and about who I am and what I want. I am learning that if a man doesn't want me as I am, he's not who I want to be with. (My ex was never satisfied with me - it's refreshing to find out how many men think I am the BOMB just as I am ). I also no longer take it personally if it doesn't work out.
). I also no longer take it personally if it doesn't work out.
