Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

25 - sigh.

We all are here because these situations are NEVER easy. If there were easy answers we wouldn't need each other.

So to answer your questions -
I have realized he's taken no responsibility for his role in this. As far as I can see, I'm the LBS here and he's the WAS. But we're both responsible for our own behavior. He hasn't really acknowledged that he didn't contribute to loving me in the way I needed to be loved and that he let me down emotionally. He's so focused on what he tried to do that he can't see or accept his failing.

I would love nothing more than to focus on his crap attitude and treatment. And I agree, it's not right. However, who's to say when is the appropriate time for him to come around? I guess that's the counter argument. I've been advised not to push him and let him come around on his own time and terms.

So yes, I acknowledge that he's not pulling his weight, he's not contributing and he's not trying. I acknowledge that he's been punishing me. I acknowledge that it's not fair right now. But I'm putting all that aside for the moment in the hopes that giving him some space/not pursuing will allow him to come back. This isn't something I'd be willing to put up with forever.

As far as working on it - well, he's continuing to allow physical contact. He's been compliant in not bringing up the past as I requested. He did suggest going to MC (but we have a financial issue right now). He's NOT 100% ready to commit to working on it, I know that... but he is letting his guard down a bit and allowing me to show him that I have changed. It's good progress even though we're not "actively" working on it yet.

He may be one of those people who can't get past the EA that I had. I feel like with some true understanding he would be able to but we haven't gotten there yet. Who knows if we will.

I'm willing to be patient though, for a while longer. He's still not really reciprocating any of my affection or attention but everyone says give it time, give it time... and since I am seeing some small changes I continue to be willing to persevere...