Remember your 180's. If stony silence is what you gave him during your WAW stage, then it's time to do the opposite.
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It appears my biggest issues are him not thinking right now I deserve a second chance and him being scared to trust me again.
Those are not your issues. They are his issues. Do not think of them as your issues, because they are completely beyond your control. What is within your control? YOU. Work on YOU and let him work on himself.
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Not sure how DBing can help me now.
It can help by teaching you to detach and improve yourself. These are the opposite of the begging/ pleading that we feel inclined to do. Begging/ pleading drives WAS's away, detaching and improving ourselves makes us more attractive to them.
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But if these are his actions, then I have to believe it is over?
Many marriages have survived infidelity. It's not a deal killer unless you decide it is.
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I'm really struggling on which route to take with the going dark, 180s and GAL.
180's- sit down and write a list of everything you have contributed towards the M falling apart. Think about what your H has told you and put those at the top of the list. Write down ways you can do 180's on those things. Implement them immediately. If you're having trouble, consult DR, Michele gives some great advice on how to develop the list. Post your 180's here for feedback from the vets.
GAL- well this is a no brainer. You need to do it regardless. Even if you reconcile you need to GAL, because if 100% of your life is spouse-based then it'll never work. Rekindle old R's and create new ones. Pick up hobbies, especially those that allow you to meet new people. Invite people out to lunch and dinner. And be vague with your H when you're going out, keep him guessing.
Going dark- hard to do when you're under the same roof. Going dim is even tough. I'd recommend working on your 180's while you're both under the same roof so he can see them. Save going dark (LRT) for the separation if it happens.
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From what I know of OW, she has no friends so my H is basically her life right now which makes this even more difficult because I feel she will do or say anything to keep him in her life.
R's like that don't last very long. No guy likes being smothered. If she doesn't have a life and you do, guess who is going to look more appealing in the end?
