I Cheated. She's Pissed!

[focusing-on-me]

I am 49, she is 33. We werein a on again off again relationship for 6 years. She wanted kids. I did not, so we sqabbled during our 6 year dating relationship. She would leave me to go find love. I would chase her and wooo her back. This back and forth craziness stopped when I finally relented and said I would marry her and give her a child. We agreed to compromise and have one (I already have 2 from a previous marriage). We both understood each others situation, she being younger and ready for kids, me being older and being done with kids. All she asked of me is that I would love and support our child. We got married 4 years ago, and now we have a beautiful 18 month old whoim I amd very supportive of and love very very much. The problem is that my wife is all about being a mommy. So much so that she started pressuring me for a 2nd child. I said no, that I wanted us to start traveling th world togther as we planned. Her affetion and intimacy stated to withdraw, as she viewed sex as a means of creating children. I cheated on her and rationalized it away. I do not blame my indiscretion on her as to why I cheated. I have taken full responsibility and ownership of why I did it. I have guilt and am ashamed and am earnestly workng on fixing those aspects of myself that are not so atractive. In the mean time, we are seperated. Sometime we are civil, sometimes not. She goes from being enraged to weepy, but mstly enraged. I have read A LOT of the threads on DB and like what I read. Many of you are struggleing thru hard times and you have great advice. My wife is trying to decide if she wants to divorce me and move to the other side of the country. She said she loves me but is not "IN LOVE" with me. She says that I am still physically attractive to her, but that the thought of actually touching me again makes her want to "vomit." I am going to individual counseling, but we are also going to couples counseling. So far, we just rehash what has happened. She gets blistering mad and wants nothing to do with me. We had a big blowup after the last session and decided that divorce was the best option. The next day, she was very nice to me. A complete 180. I took it as a sign that she might reconsider. I sent her an email afterwards letting her know that I was still IN LOVE with her and was working on me to fix our communication / conflict / marital issues. (BTW, there is no physical abuse, just verbal criticizing that sometimes escalates into personal attacks.). I dont think she wanted to get that email bc she longer responds to my texts. I only send her one a day, usully very short, wishing her a good day. Our next couples session is in a week. I NEED HELP before I meet her there