A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[AKHope]

Hi Alkaline-

I've been watching your thread a bit and feel the need to jump in.

From outside the forrest, I can see a few things I want to point out to you to ponder.

There are clearly some indications that she has control here (and likes it that way). Be assured that she hasn't TAKEN control; you GAVE it away.

I can also see that you are (like I was)stuck in the verbal/email rut of simply restating your case and getting nowhere. Again, if she has the upper hand (your choice to give it rather than her taking it), this will KEEP you in the rut as she has the power to respond and you are simply waiting for a response.

Let's look at some basic, often repeated DB principles.

Do what works-
You have said it and now writing it. "No OM" Well, did it work?

Don't believe words and 50% of actions-
Lets also turn this one around. You are mostly words and few actions. More action; less talk. What are you DOING to get control of YOUR life regardless of what she is doing.
She has clearly SHOWN that she is interested in an independent path and that you will end up without her. So ACT to be planning on that. What will you need to do and who will you NEED to BE to pull that off?

180-
Again, less talk and more "rock" would BE a huge 180. Action. It WILL bring a reaction. If she is reacting, then she is NOT upper hand. Let her try and figure YOU out rather than the other way around.

Ultimately, and I know your pain so I'm considerate of what I'm about to say- she is trying to tell yopu something with her actions. An affair says "I'm not attracted to you" and you haven't heard her more subtle hints/indications.

So what are you doing that isn't attractive? Attraction is a reaction to YOU. It is not a choice. What did you stop doing that WAS attractive?

Deep thoughts, I know.

The scariest thing I was ever told here (yet rings true) is "Be the man your wife would have an affair with"

This all points to another DB principle- This isn't about HER. It's about YOU. Not about saving the marriage but about saving/recovering/rebuilding YOU.

And if this M can be saved, YOU are the key to that. It`s not about what you say, it`s about what you do. Action is THE communicator.

If your actions say-

`I will not accept a M with 3 people in it`
Ì will not be pushed around and trod upon by you OR ANYONE ELSE`
I willdo what I must to protect myself from you and your actions`
I will be absolutely fine without you`

THEN, you`ll see some changes. In you AND in her.

The DB fundamentals WILL generate a change in the current dynamics.

SHE will-
-react instead of instigate
-be trying to figure YOU out
-be unsure of HER choices
-pursue YOU

You are showing signs of really getting this stuff. Stick to the ACTIONS.

How much exercise you getting?
Any new clothes? Cologne?

You can do this, AT.