Can This Be Salvaged?

[leopoldstotch]

I've been busy the past few days working on the house and I actually worked today yay! OK the past few days with W have been pretty good. She seems upbeat and communication is good and I'm being very upbeat and happy myself. So I need some advice like ASAP lol. My sone son went is a freshman and went to his scholl's varsity soccer game tonight. My W is supposed to pick him and his friends up from the game and take them home. She was done work at 5 and called me to tell me she wasn't coming home that she was going to the mall and then picking our son up after the game. That means she has 5 free hrs to herself.

I don't have that gut feeling at all but I mean who goes out like this several nights a week? It's not uncommon for her to be out of the house 4-5 hours a night during the week. The house is pretty much a place for her to sleep and shower and that's it.

I need some advice right now. THe DB'er in me tells me to let it go but the leader in me which I haven"t been of the family is telling me to tell her that I'm not stupid, don't let me find out "it's" happening again. It is one of my boundaries. UGH

[Denver_2010]

THe DB'er in me tells me to let it go

Understood... but that ^^^ is what you have to do right now. Anything else changes nothing and makes things worse.

[leopoldstotch]

Thanks for the reply Denver. Ok so when my W came home with my youngest S she showed me a housewarming gift she bought for friends of ours I listened to the DBer in me and I did not say what was on mind (which was were where you really). I don't know what got the conversation started between my W and sons but they both said something to her about the fact that she is never home to which she replied to them that she doesn't want to be here and that she was working on saving money to move out. If we weren't in the financial situation we are in she would be gone.

So I started thinking to myself that money problems are no reason to stay together. I just know how I feel right now. I think I'm growing tired of it all. I'm now asking myself if this is really worth it. Is it time to for me to file? I think to myself that she would file but she is afraid of what others will think of her and my W is really big on how she looks to others. I also think is she ever going to be the W for me? Someone who wants to spend time together? Someone who wants to do things together? Someone who is loving and not critical most of the time?

It's been 15 months since her feelings for me have changed and I don't know where I stand right now. I could use some advice/encouragement right now. Thx

[leopoldstotch]

I feel like I'm stuck in the doldrums of DBing. This must be the hardest part of it. We just do not seem to be going anywhere at the moment. Maybe I'm not being patient enough. This weekend my W worked with my cousin and my youngest S and I played in a softball tournament on Sat. Sat night we went to a friends housewarming party. W went her way at the party and I went mine. We had to drive separately because she left early to go out with her girlfriends.

Sunday I went to softball with my oldest son in the morning. At some point my W called to tell me that my brother's GF called her looking for my brother. Turns out he left her for his old GF.
Apparently they fought all the time and he got tired of it. My W says that sounds like how we used to be. I said yeah it does. So maybe she is begging to see the changes? Who knows I know better than to mind read or speculate.

Today is our youngest S birthday and we usually take the boys out to dinner to wherever they want to go. I asked my W what her plans for tonight were ans she said "I'm taking E out to dinner". I said, "what about me?" She told me that I will be getting home too late from work. I was called in to work today from 9-7. I'm disappointed that I feel excluded from dinner. Thoughts? Anyone? I feel like I'm talking to myself on here. I need some direction.

[Wendylon]

Can you at least join them at dinner even if you get there late? Or have cake later at home?

It doesn't seem right for you to miss dinner/celebrations altogether.

I know what you mean about doldrums of DBing but it does sound as if your W sees that you (as a couple) are different now from before. I wouldn't discount that comment of hers.

Good luck!

[leopoldstotch]

Thanks for the reply Wendylon. I could join them right after work. Cake would be later so I wouldn't miss that. Maybe I shouldn't discount her comment but also not get my hopes up either. I think this may be the hardest stage I'm in right now. No movement and her saying on Friday she is trying to save to move out.

[leopoldstotch]

A question for those who were WAS. Those of you who were treated bad in your M and have Reconciled was it one specific thing that triggered you to reconcile with your S or was it consistent time + changes in your S that madebyou want to reconcile?

[leopoldstotch]

Thought I would check in. I really believe I married someone who just can't be satisfied. First off today is my birthday and my W posts to my FB page like a friend would. Ok no big deal I didn't expect anything more at this point. Now to this. I was called into work this week and next. We work 4 ten hour days and my W knows this. Well upon me telling her I'm off tomorrow she texts me a WTH! Instead of being satisfied Im working she's angry. Don't know how much longer I can do this.

[ericmsant2]

Leo

Question....what are you doing for YOU? What are you doing to keep yourself busy?

Oh...and happy birthday!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Maybe WTH means (to her):

Well
Thank
Heaven

ehhh?

Yeah?

No?

Yeah no not likely.

Did you ask her why that upset her?