Thank you Labug for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated... and I greatly value your opinion. I've set my boundaries for me, not punitively, and it is absolutely my sincere hope that this R can be rebuilt. But it must be rebuilt on respect for ourselves and one another.
Stander: I completely hear what you're saying... and despite what it might seem like in my posts on this thread, I did a whole lot of validation of her feelings. I made it a point to reiterate that I understood where she was coming from and explicitly told her multiple times that I am not judging her or her actions.
When I was asked directly about things like "Why did you stop responding to my emails. Why did you not respond to X text, and why were you so cold during Y conversation", I answered her question by restating my personal boundaries, and saying that I couldn't continue along the path I was on once I got confirmation of OM.
I did tell her, probably too many times, that I WAS and AM fighting for her, and I apologized that she wasn't able to see it. I told her that I completely understand WHY she couldn't see it, as I was DARK. I validated as often as I could... and maybe I slipped up a few times by telling her that I WAS AND AM fighting, but I needed her to know that, even if it does go against DB rules.
I definitely slipped up when I asked what I could do to get her to stay and work on our M... But again, I needed her to hear that from me. I needed her to know that I wasn't just puffing my chest out and saying "Look at how great I've done"... Again, I realize that I probably shouldn't have asked her to stay, shouldn't have told her that I'll "Never give up on her"... but it felt like something I needed to do to be able to sleep at night.
I'm definitely not perfect at this DB thing... And I may do damage to myself and the sitch when I veer off script... But I'm learning every day... and I have you guys to thank!
