My Most Important Week Yet

[labug]

Wow that is so reeking of control and one-upmanship.

I think an affair and leaving a marriage is not usually the best way to build or repair a Relationship.... but your millage may vary.

AT, about the above let me clarify it for you because this is about you.

My point is, boundaries are great I talk about boundaries a lot here because I think that's where most people get in trouble. The have no clue what boundaries are, don't know how to set them and then issues and resentments pile up and whammo, it all goes to he!!. I had no idea about personal boundaries before the BD. Imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered I could protect myself.

Boundaries shouldn't be done as a punitive measure. You state your boundary, "W, I can't be in a M while you are with OM, if you do x then I will do y" Bam, done. If she does x, you do y. No preaching, no crying, no explanation, no pleading. the boundary may be restated if that seems appropriate.

Boundaries aren't made to teach a lesson, they are to protect you. Now, the other person my learn something from the boundary but that isn't the intent and that takes some of the emotion out of it because it's not about you trying to control her, it's about you protecting yourself and her deciding to change her behavior or not. She will learn what she wants and needs to learn from the consequences, no more, no less.

AT, I expressed earlier that I don't condone your wife having an A and chatterbug is right an A is not a great way to build or repair a R. But you're beyond that now, she's had the affair, is having the affair and what you're doing now, I think, is hoping that at some point you might reconcile. If not you would have Dd her long ago, right? So hold your line, be happy with yourself and let life teach her the lessons she is ready to learn.

Control what you can control, you.

My parting words of wisdom, something I try to live by:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.