Doing the bachelor thing again. W & kids left on Friday to go spend the week with her sister & her family further south. I was planning to go but could not spend as much time for the full week. However, between work and not having the money for a plane ticket, I'm staying home.
I notice my S13 is very good at staying in touch with me when they are gone, usually via txt messages and sending each other pics. He gives me strength and he doesn't even realize it. Some day when he's older and this is a distant memory, maybe I'll be able to share with him my appreciation. For now, I just hug him a lot and say how proud I have of him. And yes, I do the same for my D10. Its just that my S13 is at a different stage of maturity and its amazing to see.
My W doesn't know this goes on but I continue to deal with issues from my own family. I have done a much better job of staying in touch with my parents and calling them a few times a week to talk. I know they appreciate it and I will continue, but it does present challenges.
My mom doesn't realize it but she is a pro at guilt and dropping hints and inuido's about how she feels rather than just saying it. Mom mentioned that she had called my W a few times and not heard back from her. I try not to get in the middle of this but I did explain that the times my mom had called there had been a lot going on related to kid activities in the evening and my W getting ready to leave. But I also know that my W is not comfortable talking with my family and her reasons are her own. My guesses are only guesses as to the full reasons for this.
Anyway it ended up with my mom crying saying she is trying to rebuild a relationship with my W and doesn't understand why W is resistant. I listened and told her a few things. First, I think our M has to get to a better place first before W can improve her relationship with my family. Second, I explained to my mom that W is hurting in her own way and that I have to choose to do the things I know are good and right without any expectation of if/when my W will in turn treat me the same way.
This seemed to help. I tried to help my mom see that right now its not about her and she doesn't need to spend time worrying about it (of course 70+ years of being a worrier will not go away easily). She calmed down and said she'd try it and if that's what I'm doing it seems to be working for me.
W continues to be a bit distant since our last MC session. We couldn't really affort her trip to see her sister but I also know her sister understands our sitch and wants the best for our M so a week with her is probably a good thing and worth the expense.
W started her new job this past week and I noticed that in addition to no longer working for her friend and husband (former OM) that they are now no longer connected on FB. The wife even de-friended my son. Part of me wants to find out what really happened. My concern is that W's friend may have discovered that my W and her H have continued contact in a secret way. I have to admit that if this is the case, it concerns me and I want to known the truth. The question is, do I press the issue or be patient and allow the positive trends to continue. The latter seems to be working so I'll stick with that for now.
I know there are still some momentos of the OM in our house and that bothers me still, but I trust that in time it will be dealt with.
Starting a week on my own is always difficult. Too much time to think about the negatives. Very glad its Monday and I can be back at work and busy.
Our next MC is 10/15. Our homework was to brainstorm 50 thing we could do together for recreation and just the 2 of us. W will get back into town the day before our session so we won't have time to sit and do it together. I told W we could make our own lists and send to each other to review on the phone. I'm up to 13 things so far.
Struggles for me. I'm lonely. I miss being close to my W. I think my love language is touch because its something I've dearly missed over the past 2+ years. What little touch there is comes across more as obligation that care. But I also realize that based upon my W's struggles this is still a huge effort for her, so that helps me keep perspective.
Ro mentioned on her thread about taking care of herself and not depending on others. I get this struggle. With my W, I have to live in a way that I don't "need" her affection while at the same time trying to be open to it when it does happen. I find this to be a very difficult mental & emotional balancing act. Its also not a systematic thing and so I can only let go of the worry of it and trust God to see me through. He's certainly got me this far and I'm standing taller than I have in years.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
