What should I do? Which technique to use?

[AnotherStander]

I'm reading MMSLP and geez, some of the stuff I just want to implement but it seems to go so agains DR.

Some of it does, so when in doubt go with DR. MMSLP is more geared towards strengthening personal alpha/ beta than it is about trying to save a R barely clinging to life support.

MrBond, since you are a proponent of me kicking her out, or at least making it very clear she'll get kicked out, do you think that when I told her today I am done with the jokes, games, and fake Rs that I made it clear enough?

I don't think you were clear enough either. If you're serious about giving her an ultimatum, then you need to tell her you want to talk and set aside a date and time specifically for it. This will help her understand the gravity of the situation. Then when you talk, you need to do so in a loving manner, not in an angry "my way or the highway" tone. Tell her that while you want to make the R work you just are not seeing any progress under the current arrangement and either something about the dynamic needs to change within X weeks or you think it would be best for both of you to separate.

I didn't out and out say, "do it again and you're out"

And you shouldn't, that would be "more of the same" behavior based on what you've described in this thread.

Now, easy enough to think that now and not follow through if it happens.....yikes, I know.....

If you give her an ultimatum and nothing changes, then it's extremely important to follow through or she'll lose whatever respect for you she may still have. You've got to stick to your word. If things don't change in the X week window you give her, then tell her you want to meet again, and at that point tell her things didn't change and it's time for the S. Then give her a time frame for getting out.

My first thought is that I keep working on detachment (it was working until I confronted her about this FB account)

Yeah, that was a backslide. Forget FB. In detaching you've got to just let stuff like that go. Work on yourself, don't worry about who is posting what and why on FB.

and do the After LRT and kick her out...even like DR says, I'll have to be prepared to end it for real but maybe if I truly end it and cut off all contact it'll be enough kick in the pants to turn things around.

It might, but remember that an ultimatum is major, don't go down that road unless you're serious about ending the R.