Bklyn Still Here P2

[BklynMom]

I will check out hopefullya.

I have my girls this weekend so I am so much more together. By mid week next week when he starts emailing about exchange I can feel my serenity slipping.

Regarding our bank account it's someone easier logistically that we haven't gotten our own acct but it's wearing on my mentally. I just feel like it's me holding on and my h just doing what is easier for him not cause it links us.

Him using my nickname is just evidence that he takes no responsibility for his part in this. Generally when you are inflicting pain on someone you don't call them "baby". I think using a nick name is also part of his "no more mr nice guy" disease where he can't have any one mad at him or dislike him. He has to leave his wife and family and still qualify for father of the year.

[BklynMom]

Hi All,

I have been lurking around these boards over the past week or so but somehow don't know what to add or say. I do get afraid to post my feelings here when they are not in accordance with DB protocol and indicate that I am still attached.

Recently I have felt like I deserve better then my H. I deserve a H who would actually share with me how he is feelings, rather than stuff his feelings so deeply.

I question our whole relationship these days. I thought I had a best friend and was that a lie.

Some had said I should have seen the unspoken signs that he was unhappy, and I do accept that, but he is a grown man and he needs to also take some responsibility for not sharing those feelings with me.

My mind then drifts into his R with OW, which has now gone on over a year. I use the STOP sign technique when I get here because it just hurts so much, was my life a lie. Am I a lie?

I really think I deserve better then this man. I deserve a H that wasn't lying when he said he loved me and would love me forever, as he did a week before the bomb.

But then I think of my girls.

I think of there tears each time they go back and forth between our houses. I think of the little girl asking my D4 the other day "Why doesn't your Daddy live at your house"

I want to give my children everything and it breaks my heart they I can't give them an enact family.

Love you guys:)

[wishing, hoping]

(((BK)))

That's where I am with my sitch. I often wonder if it was all a lie as well as nothing out of H's mouth is completely truth any more. As for wanting someone who treats us well and is fair and honest I am with you. I have detached and as much as I want an intact family for the sake of my kids I need to realize this is not my choice and I need to deal with what life has doled out. I don't believe God wants us to go through this but he has given us strength and resources together through this trial. I keep praying and taking one moment at a time. Anything else is too overwhelming.

I want a strong, healthy normal marriage and that isn't possible with my H right now because it takes two and he has checked out. Unfortunately if he ever wakes up I am afraid it will be too late. He has done too much damage. I just don't see it happening. But I continue to DB for me and to keep going.

Thinking of you!!

[AJM]

Bkln, don't for a second think that protocol outweighs your feelings. These boards do have a way of helping you feel that way, but the intent of those on the boards is to help one another.

We've all felt that way, Bkln. Was it a lie? Was I fooled? I thought I had a best friend for life. Was I wrong to think that?

What I want is...

We've ALL done that. It really is part of the grieving process.

At some point, you'll figure out that it wasn't a lie at the time. What he said, he meant at that time.

What you'll also figure out is that while you didn't ask for this situation and had no reason to believe it was going to happen, it did. For reasons you may never understand.

What matters is how you deal with it. What you do about it. How you think about things and how you show your children you love them. The rest is really not nearly as important.

Can you have all the things you want? Yes. Once you figure out you, you will be able to receive those things in your life. Until then, there will be things in the way.

You know now that you cannot control him or his choices. You can't stop the difficult things your D will have to face because of his choices. It will break your heart.

But you can give them something far more valuable - dignity and grace, and the tools to face what life brings. You can be the mother that they deserve. And at some point you will find a way to complete your family in a way you can't even imagine right now. One that provides better for your kids than you may currently think possible. On all levels.

Hang in there, BK. As you go through these feelings, know that you are not alone and you are not "doing it wrong" as it sometimes feels. We here on the boards sometimes want to skip the latter parts too fast for some. That's not a bad thing, but it may not be what you're ready for yet.

Share away and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

AJ

[BklynMom]

Thanks aj and wishinghoping exactly what I needed to hear today. I am not alone.

[uRworthy]

Oh sweetie, I know this is tough stuff. Really tough. You feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you.

First things first. If you look deep inside you know that what you had wasnt a lie and that the love you had was real and true.

Your h is going through a crisis. Now, I dont think he gets a free pass because he is. He is still responsible for his actions. But, it is HIS crisis, his journey. Your job is to get out of the way and allow him to walk it.

And it is really important for you to go through all the steps you need to in order to get to a place of peace.

You cant skip any steps. Each one is equally important. And you are right where you need to be in the process. We all go through it at our own pace. No right or wrong way.

It is ok to question how you feel. It is also ok to feel as though you deserve better. All part of the process.

You feel what you feel. Process it, feel it and then let it wash over you. Use those feelings to propel you forward.

You have also been given a really important gift. You get to become the person you were meant to be.

And you get the honor of showing your children how to navigate through life's difficulties with dignity, courage and strength.

You are doing wonderfully, BK. You are right where you need to be.

Keep going.

[MissAgnes]

Hi Bklyn,

Your example to your children in the face of adversity will mean so much to their future. They are watching.

You're not alone.

[BklynMom]

Thanks unworthy and ammc. Knowing that I am a role model for my girls has been one of the messages that has really helped me along the way.

Early on I would pretend I was Audrey Hepburn or a random movie star and I always had to play it cool.

Now, the fact that I have been able to show my girls a loving, strong and fun moms the past 18 makes me really proud of myself and it propels me to keep up the good work.

Thks for cheering me on.

I almost forget to mention. Our babysitter brought the girls over to H apt the other night. En route she sprained her ankle. When he got home a few hours later she was in pain. She asked him if he had any advil, he didn't have any but offered her vodka instead.

[wishing, hoping]

Yikes! I hope your sitter isn't a minor! He could get in big trouble!!!

Vodka...that is rich!

[sayitaintso]

Hey BK