Ok I have decided written response would be best. Validating how she feels, that I am sorry she sees things this way, but also advising her that there are points here that do not relate to us.
As a bit of background I was overjoyed when W was pregnant. I even went out to buy his first bath and toys at lunchtime. Why would I not be interested? it was the best feeling ever. My mum never ran my bank accounts at 26. I had ony just moved back home after house sharing with a friend. He went back to College and I could not afford the rent on my own. W bought her first house at aged 23.
Re money when she was pregnant we were fine. W was planning to go back to work after maternity leave anyway so it was not an issue. Jacob was born in May 2000, I started a new job in November 2000. Jacobs issues did not become recognisable until he was around 6 mths old. I went to all the appts with W, thought we supported each other!. When we knew one of us woudl have to stay at home we talked about it for a long time. Given I had the better earning potential and would need to support us all, I stayed in work, qualified as an accountant etc to ensure the family did not suffer through 1 wage not coming in. Early years were difficult on all of us. I did tell my boss about things at home and he gave me a months special leave straight away so I could focus on home. I used to do my fair share of getting up at night with jacob and going to work the next day. Was always involved as much as possible. If anything I would say me and jacob had the better relationship. I used to take him to the ducks a lot, we did the food shopping together while W was at football with eldest S. We spent all weekend together.
At every promotion or exam pass I would buy W flowers and thank her. Its funny cos this was a real happy time in our life even with Jacobs difficulties. Every stage of my exams I got a pay increase, things were looking up, W seemed more happy, we were making plans for future etc, like the stresses of the previous period were going away and it was a new chapter in our life.
