3 years aftet D-Day and i finally registet

[Am I Too Late]

It feels like accepting who she is now would mean that i accept giving up on her.

I wonder, if she is now looking at her drinking for one of first times since this ordeal began is making her reflect on the decisions she has made.

It may take many more introspective looks and additional consequences and Yes, it may NEVER change her.

These all are Just my thoughts. Not my actions.

Don't give up on me please.

I can't help having memories and thoughts, and feel safe sharing them here.

I am doing affirmative action steps and need to do more and continue doing so.

I have good and busy stuff scheduled for tomorrow. Try to see if my commercial property neighbor is interested once i bring them the plat of survey. Gather past 6 months bills and bring them to my accountant to proceed with HUD Hamp/Harp application process. Get past 3 years worth of deposits and payments history from my former business bank checking account. Take my son to the evening karate class. Take him to his library book reading club.

I did Not call her.

I prefer not to inform her of comments our Son has made. Guilt will not do any good, even if it's true and accurate.

1. No, i do not miss ma-ma as much as i thought i would. I thought i would be sad, but I'm only a little sad, because ma-ma was never around too much and never does anything with us.

2. Ma-ma is not part of our family dad, you and me are the family.

3. At Catechism class this past week..... I Prayed for ma-ma to come back home and get back together with you and for her to stop drinking.

I hear these and realize how it has internally affected him.

She doesn't know about this and does not have to be concerned how her/our son is being affected.

***** After reading many other threads, i see too many people start to throw in the towel, even after just 6 weeks, or 6 months.

Are they too weak, or am i too pathetic? I really wish i would have signed up on this forum 3 years ago, right when i 1st found out.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.........

I AM focusing on today, regardless of my thoughts that i shared, and am planning for many more tomorrows.

I am trying to look forward to fixing My life. It seems so desperately sunken but i still have to try as hard as i can. I lost my dreams that were once reality, but i do not want to sink any further. My son needs me to be stronger for him.