Wow... This thread has most certainly taken on a whole new life...

CV: I'm assuming you're question of why I would want my W back with the "widely supported opinions" on my thread is rhetorical...

But just in case it's not, Let me spell it out.

Starsky is right: When W is not a "wayward"... she is/was/will be someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I've spent a long time trying to figure out what it was that I did to not fulfill her needs, and I think I've been able to identify a good damn portion of those issues... I'm the first to admit (at least NOW a days) that I had a sizable part in the demise of our R... Although I STILL feel that I'd have appreciated her handling these issues a little differently... But she didn't and that's a moot point now.

I want to be with W because I know who she is, who she was, and who she CAN be... but that's not who she is today...

The small portion of your montage that came from my fingertips is mostly about me finding the self-respect that I need... The same self-respect that I had before things started to go sour and I decided that being "clingier" would help...

I know that was a mistake now... And I know that I have to show her a different LL than I had for the last year or so...

But CV... I hope you understand how hard it is to balance the fact that I WANT (so so badly) to fight for her tooth-and-nail... That I want to just drive up to central Florida and sleep outside her house until she decides that I'm the one for her... It's awfully hard to balance that with the fact that she's back with OM (Who, YES is an ex-BF... who cheated on her years and years ago when they were in a long-distance relationship).

It's hard to balance out the fact that I WANT to fight for her in this very obvious way... with the fact that she's with another man... and I can't afford to lose her respect for me... or for me to lose respect for myself.

CV... It's hard to look myself in the mirror sometimes... knowing that I'm fighting so hard for someone that's with another man right now...

BUt I know that life is hard... that sometimes people make mistakes... and that the person that my W has become over the last couple months ISN'T the real her...

I love the real her... And I believe in her... in myself... and in us...

That's why I'm willing to fight for someone that sometimes other people on this board question...

I didn't think I'd have to explain myself in a forum such as this, and I apologize if I just spent so long answering a rhetorical question... But I felt the need to write that out.

I love ME... and i love my W... I truly believe that there is a future between us... But obviously I can't guarantee that. I can guarantee that I'll do everything I can do to better myself and to work toward a new R with my wife.

And I'm sorry if that's hard for you to understand... but I won't be discouraged by ANYONE'S opinion. I know what I want for my life... and I'm coming up with a pretty solid plan for how to get it.

Or so I believe.

I'm still digesting the insanity that happened this weekend... So I can't begin to tell you my long-term plan at this point... Dark, Dim, Pursing, Friends... they're all possibilities... I just know that this weekend is too fresh in my mind... that SO many things came up in the last 48 hours... And I can't be sure what my next step will be until I've had time to figure out the license of the truck that just hit me...

And, no matter what, I still appreciate all the opinions that come around on these boards...