Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

Hey 25 and Arsene- I look forward to going over your posts but I just spoke with W and I first wanted to give a play by play.


Conversation with W-

M- How’s it going?
W-It’s going fine.
M-No W, really. How’s it going?
W- It hasn’t been easy.

M- I understand, I really do.

Can you tell me what's hardest today?

W-That’s all you ever say Rough.

M-It’s time W, it’s time to talk, it’s long overdue.

Really? Sorry. I don't mean to sound cliched b/c I really do want to hear what you have to say. Tell me more please.

W- About what, divorce?
M- No W, do you think I care?
W-I thought you might?
M-Well, I do care W. I love you W and I will never give up on you no matter what.
W-Well I assumed that you’ve been dating someone else.

M- I am not going to mince my words and I know you wont believe me but I am married and Ive been behaving as such.

No I'm not seeing anyone else.
W-I don’t know what to say right now.

M- I understand, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want.

W-I am going to schedule an appointment for us to see the joint councilor.

All in all it went fine. I wish W would have talked more but in her defense, I caught her off guard.

Yes you caught her off guard. Why? She said plenty. I don't think you "get" what validation means, do you?

I'm not sure giving you advice matters b/c you do what you want anyhow. But know when you are DBIng and when you are not. LEARN from your mistakes.
Otherwise she'll expect more of the same and not be interested.

What was your goal in this conversation? Seriously, what was it?


She was crying through most of the interaction. As Denver said, I might have a slight chance if I see an ounce of emotion. I held it together fairly well, it was obvious that I was slightly up tight and I did tear up just a little bit. At the end, we said our goodbye. Even though she didn’t say much, I am really glad the interaction took place. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

when you do get to a counselor, do a lot more listening. You were far more interested in getting your message across than in hearing her.

Don't rush in with your rehearsed "I understand" replies. They don't sound sincere to me, and we KNOW she does not believe it.

Get information FROM HER and THEN process it before you blurt out a cliche.

Do you know what I'm mean?