You mentioned this in the old thread "I don't know what you mean by overdoing it, vis a vis the kids." You're right I shouldn't worry about her annoyance. I'll keep taking care of my kids. I don't know why, maybe she's a little jealous? this^^ is a great example of disordered unproductive thinking. I don't mean to sound like a shrink, I just want you to see this.
You say you are going to take care of your kids and not worrry about her "annoyance"/irritability OR what you think is that reaction in her (but of course that is mind reading anyhow).
Okay then DON'T! In the next sentence, you begin to speculate about HER emotions and explaining WHY SHE is acting in a way YOU are interpreting... Geez, there are so many layers of guesswork going on here, it's enough to make anyone nutty.
Just leave her alone and by that I ALSO mean, stop wondering why or how she feels anything.
I bet SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHY OR WHAT she feels....so just focus on you. You are confused too.
You have one confused person trying to decode and read the mind of someone else who is also confused...just stop the cycle.
You both need to communicate better and I'd start by doing NO mind reading. It's not easy, but it's also not complicated. Don't make this harder than it already is.
S3 is really attached to me, he says he will only sleep with me, daddy has big muscles (even though I don't lol), daddy is strong, daddy this daddy that. But W shows love to him, and I encourage him to go to W. It's not like I tell him not too. Okay this^^ is not a "problem" - so let's not borrow one. I think the issue here is non existent - and you are creating something that might not even be real or present.
Why do that?
Anyways, I'll keep what I'm doing because I'm not doing anything wrong. It feels really good that he looks up to me.
What do you mean by this? "...you MIGHT keep the NC rule for OM and GAL as if your w is a roomate and make plans for going OUT"
Yes NC rule for OM for sure.
Good. After all, What's to say? No ultimatums unless you intend to enforce them, AND without regret. You are not there yet. You may never be or ever have to be. Time reveals a lot if we let it.
But the going out part--Is this going out like on a date? no
I thought about this but really nothing like an A, but maybe just going with a female friend? Don't throw stones at me, I'm just thinking of an idea, I'd be lying if I say this didn't cross my mind. I mean what's wrong with two adults having dinner if it is set from the beginning that this is just a friendly dinner and nothing more. I don't know I'm rambling. you already know the answer to this so I'll leave it as a rhetorical question.
When you begin to rationalize these things, ask how you'd feel if it were your w saying it.
I was in the Army JAG Corps and literally 90% of my colleagues were male. Yes I had lunch with them sometimes and there were not always females around.
It CAN happen quite naturally and honestly and legitimately and never turn into an A. But my m was not in crisis either. IF it had been, I'd have known enough to avoid the situations that can easily escalate.
It's like I would NOT put myself in a hotel room with Brad Pitt (or a Brad Pitt lookalike) after I've had 3 glasses of wine. It's not that I'd PLAN on having an affair, but I'm smart enough to avoid situations that can lead to bad news.
Especially when the marriage is vulnerable.
I'll think about this more tomorrow.
Newman
None of my GAL involved individual OMs...there were classes and crowds and GROUPS that had men in them...I did not avoid them.
But I did not seek out individual males. That's not GAL; that's dating or building a r with OM.
Can't you think of more GAL activities? What is with having dinner with OW? Lunch with a co-worker MIGHT be fine...and might not. In your situation with your confusion levels and mood swings, I'd only say a happily married co-worker and even then, be careful.
Why? B/c You sound needy, so I don't know where it'd go.
I think I already gave you some ideas but you need to expand your comfort zone for GAL big time.
Or rather, push yourself OUT of the comfort zone and do something NEW.
I'm not positive you get the whole "GAL" thing. So Let me ask you this. WHY do you believe WE want you to GAL? Why do we hammer it so much?
What is the purpose of GAL, to YOU?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
