I know, I haven't had a good sleep since he left me....I understand your fear of going to sleep......Sometimes I had dreams where he came back to me, we were doing happy things, etc. Those dreams are the worst cuz I felt extra sad in the morning.....of course, nightmares happened too....I know I sound really weak, I never imagined having to go through this...And I was really cocky about the love my H had for me that I blinded myself for whatever was going through. I thought " we will fix that soon once we live together". But...the truth is, he doesn't want to fix it at all now.
He cut off all the contact with me now. Blocked me on all the social media sites. I still believe he will come back...but then my mind debate myself like....how in the world would he want to be back with me....I messed it up when I saw him in person and I know I'm not ready to face him now yet, and I don't know when I'll be ready or how to deal with him at the moment....I still want to explain to him that I didn't mean to mess it up....but...I don't think I should, or should it be any help at all.....I begged him to cut off all the contact with the OW and he never did, now, he cut me off....so....
And yeah, it's hard for me to stop those thoughts too....And I know exactly who she is and I wish I didn't know now.....H doesn't know I know who she is....but again, they got together for a reason, and I don't know how to compete with that cuz I've never met her.....or know anything else about her....
And, I don't have my family here, I moved to his home country with him, so i don't have many close friends here either...And this is so hard....I'm so glad I found this forum! I'm glad for you though, that your friends there are helping you see things differently and feel better!!
I'm trying to work on myself too, it's just really hard to not think about him or the affair that he's having..... Again, thank you, I hope we all can get thru this too!! I'll be reading your post once it's up. And I'll keep reading and working on making myself better, let's keep each other updated!!
