Bkln, don't for a second think that protocol outweighs your feelings. These boards do have a way of helping you feel that way, but the intent of those on the boards is to help one another.
We've all felt that way, Bkln. Was it a lie? Was I fooled? I thought I had a best friend for life. Was I wrong to think that?
What I want is...
We've ALL done that. It really is part of the grieving process.
At some point, you'll figure out that it wasn't a lie at the time. What he said, he meant at that time.
What you'll also figure out is that while you didn't ask for this situation and had no reason to believe it was going to happen, it did. For reasons you may never understand.
What matters is how you deal with it. What you do about it. How you think about things and how you show your children you love them. The rest is really not nearly as important.
Can you have all the things you want? Yes. Once you figure out you, you will be able to receive those things in your life. Until then, there will be things in the way.
You know now that you cannot control him or his choices. You can't stop the difficult things your D will have to face because of his choices. It will break your heart.
But you can give them something far more valuable - dignity and grace, and the tools to face what life brings. You can be the mother that they deserve. And at some point you will find a way to complete your family in a way you can't even imagine right now. One that provides better for your kids than you may currently think possible. On all levels.
Hang in there, BK. As you go through these feelings, know that you are not alone and you are not "doing it wrong" as it sometimes feels. We here on the boards sometimes want to skip the latter parts too fast for some. That's not a bad thing, but it may not be what you're ready for yet.
Share away and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
