To further that- Concentrate on your body language and don't seem that open to talking. Not angry but not open. A bit of their own medicine. In fact, maybe, don't really talk at all. Just get up and carry on. lol
To further that - In fact, maybe, don't really talk at all. Just get up and carry on. lol
Haha! Love it MKB23. It would be such a 180! Noted for future interactions with H
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Good point, Tumbling, H has always cut convos short and been the first to leave the room, want to hang up the phone, want to go to sleep, etc...
I like your idea of 'cutting and running', MKB. H's timing feels so wrong to me that I just don't know if I could preempt him. It would feel so unnatural to end conversations in what feels like the middle of them. Sometimes, he leaves the room and I assume (wrongly) that he'll be gone for just a second since it's so obvious that we're in the middle of a chat but it turns out that I've just been left high and dry.
I will play with it though and see if I can change the dynamic. Thank you Tumbling and MKB for your input.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Thank you, MKB, for your encouragement! There have been some positives.
I'm flabbergasted because H commented on me being different this morning.
H: I'm not sure what's happening but you're so different. Me: Really? Good or bad? H: Good, of course. Me: Give me an example. H: Yesterday when I mentioned visiting your Dad and Stepmother you didn't jump in immediately to tell me why I shouldn't go. That's unheard of. It's as strange as turning on a switch and the light not turning on when it has 99.99 % of the time. I felt for the first time in god knows how long that you figured it was my decision. What have you done? Me: Well, I didn't rehearse that response... Not sure... Hope it's not a one off. H: I'm sure you didn't rehearse it because there are other things too..
Anyway, I felt that I'd seemed a bit too interested in H's views and was fishing a bit so left the bathroom (he was in the bath and had even asked me to go in there and sit on the loo so we could talk).
Also, another positive was that when I got home yesterday he wasn't out for the first time in ages on a Sunday around 6. He was actually watching football with S17 on the TV and hadn't been drinking!
Let's hope that I keep this up. Certainly I'm encouraged to stay on track with no pursuing, questioning, etc.. Let me know if you think I've missed some opportunities in the convo. I think I could do with validating more. That really doesn't come to me naturally.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Wendylon you became a "DB Queen" (sing to Abba-Dancing Queen)in my mind when I read what your H said this morning and for putting that 180 in that we only worked out yesterday (he was in the bath mind!).
Boy does this stuff take time - congrats on the patience. My H seems to have gone AWOL again but I am taking a leaf out of your book. I so want to bombard him with texts about not caring that I am sick (i.e not texting and asking how I am, not even a good morning today) but instead I am humming Dancing Queen to myself and laughing!
All good things
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Thank you very much, MKB, Tumbling and SD for your encouragement. It's really nice knowing that there are people following my sitch. It does feel so supportive. It's amazing how helpful it can be to be part of this board. Thank you again.
Nothing major since yesterday. I always wake up feeling stressed and anxious but then that anxiety dissipates a bit during the day.
This morning's anxiety focused on finances. H is making his way quickly through the value of his mother's house that she left him when she died. I know that that extra income will come to an end and I need to factor it into my thinking. H doesn't think ahead and especially not when it comes to money. I keep complaining to him and to myself that he's irresponsible with money but in a way I am too because I keep failing to accept that H is irresponsible. I keep thinking that he'll change. The fact of the matter is that we live above our means and if I'm being really honest I see that we do that jointly.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
