Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

Good advice on the dinner/birthday. Of course, then I'll be back to walking on eggshells. But I guess it's more important to ask and show the caring than not.

I do think H wants to feel loved, which is why he allows me to be close to him sometimes. If we can keep the R talk at bay for a while and stop bringing the past into every conversation, maybe we've got a shot.

Weird thing happened last night. H went out and got home around 11. He went into "his" room and started getting ready for bed and I heard his phone ring with a ringtone I had never heard. He also said Hello in a way I don't usually hear, which is hard to explain in writing. It wasn't "hey babe" or anything like that, but clearly it was someone he knew well. All I heard him say was "hello" and "yeah" and I guess that was the end of the conversation.

I pretended like I had forgotten my mouthguard so I had an excuse to go in there. He was just watching TV and I asked him how his night was. 5 minute conversation.

I'm definitely feeling like I have to keep my antenna up at this point, even though things have been going more smoothly between us. Trust is going to have to be rebuilt going in both directions...

Also next weekend we are going camping as a family. We have our "all school" campout. We agreed to share a campsite and have 2 tents and drive 2 cars. We did this last year so it's not new news. This should be interesting. I'm expecting him to pretty much blow me off the whole time and I think if I go in like that, I'll be able to deal with it if he actually does that.