Bklyn Still Here P2

[BklynMom]

Hi All,

I have been lurking around these boards over the past week or so but somehow don't know what to add or say. I do get afraid to post my feelings here when they are not in accordance with DB protocol and indicate that I am still attached.

Recently I have felt like I deserve better then my H. I deserve a H who would actually share with me how he is feelings, rather than stuff his feelings so deeply.

I question our whole relationship these days. I thought I had a best friend and was that a lie.

Some had said I should have seen the unspoken signs that he was unhappy, and I do accept that, but he is a grown man and he needs to also take some responsibility for not sharing those feelings with me.

My mind then drifts into his R with OW, which has now gone on over a year. I use the STOP sign technique when I get here because it just hurts so much, was my life a lie. Am I a lie?

I really think I deserve better then this man. I deserve a H that wasn't lying when he said he loved me and would love me forever, as he did a week before the bomb.

But then I think of my girls.

I think of there tears each time they go back and forth between our houses. I think of the little girl asking my D4 the other day "Why doesn't your Daddy live at your house"

I want to give my children everything and it breaks my heart they I can't give them an enact family.

Love you guys:)