Tori you are right of course. Things seem a little better after a few days but a little worse too. Kids went with H tonight. They were supposed to stay all night. S14 didn't really want to go at all and I had to beg him to stay for 3 hours. H and I had a decent conversation. He is still slipping in the honey and baby's which irritates me. Now of course he says sorry after he says it. It's just dumb. So around 10 PM H calls back. D12 told him she wanted to come home and not stay. So he brought her home. Didn't say much to me but I didn't expect him to.
Our conversation earlier got pretty out of control. I think. I dunno. We talked quite a bit. I did say something to the effect of I am going to IC this week. I'm not sure how to ask this but what issues would you say I might need to work on. So he says control, anger, saying mean things, and I do not finish things I start. I validated the first three and even said yes I do that and even know why. I am trying very hard to work on the anger and he has seen that himself. The finish things one threw me for a loop. I really am not sure where he is getting that. Honestly, that describes himself and I even said that to him. Sort of like point blank I have thought the same about you. My house is one big unfinished project. Seriously. So in all honestly all of those describe himself as well. Very much so. The other thing I have noticed and has become much more pronounced the last few days is that he gets angry any time I say I feel...... It really doesn't matter what I say on the end. He just gets mad. The other thing is it really seems to not matter what I say or do much of the time. It's like he has this idea in his head of what I am thinking and how I am going to react and it doesn't really seem to matter if the reality is different. He was saying tonight-- Now you're mad... and I wasn't. I even said why do you think that? I'm not raising my voice, not saying anything rude. He said well its your tone. I said I really don't think I have a tone at all.That might be something I need to work on though. His response was you most definitely do and really he said it pretty nasty. Whatever. At one point I said whatever. That made him mad too. I asked him what he thought I meant when I say whatever. He couldn't answer. So I said to the point- When I say whatever that means I am not going to fight with you. It doesn't matter and it's not worth a fight. I had to go over there to pick up S14 earlier and it was extremely uncomfortable for me. He asked me if I wanted to sit or want something to drink. Acted offended when I didn't accept anything. So when I left at that point things were still going well. It was when I called to say Goodnight to the DD's that it all went downhill. Really, I wasn't fighting. He was though. Or trying to bait me into a fight. Told me how I push his buttons, and I only called to try to control the night, put him in a bad mood, so I would have control. I honestly only called because it was their first time there and I was concerned they were going to bed soon. The man seriously has not one single good thing to say about me. At one point I asked what sort of timeframe are you looking at for D? He got all mad about that. Why do you want one? Are you in a rush? All kinds of things. Just assuming all kinds of things. I was very calm. Finally, I said actually- I would prefer not to get one and if you insist at least for a while. I have enough on my plate as it is. Then he says well you just said you wanted one. I responded- "Nope, I asked you if you had a timeframe in mind. I never said that and I didn't imply that. You assumed that." So I said you just proved my point on assuming you know what I am thinking and how I am feeling. The whole thing was exhausting. We didn't really leave it on good terms. Things are slowly kind of coming out so that is at least good. I don't really have much hope though. He really doesn't acknowledge his own role in our problems. Sadly, when he finally does take a look at all of it, likely it will be very very bad for him. And if he never does he will never be able to have a normal relationship. I have been feeling quite a bit more detached. I think in part just due to how obvious it is that he is just not himself. Really weird acting. No OW. I am now 100% confident. One additional thing happened. He went with his father to an annual charity auction. Apparently, his 1st wife was there. To my knowledge they haven't seen or spoken to one another in about 17 years. He said she recognized his dad and walked up and asked if it was him. He said yes and they talked for a few minutes. So he told me all of this because in his words - Several people saw them talking and he didn't want me to hear about it and be upset or think anything was going on. He basically was reassuring me.
Oh! normally I go to the auction myself. So he called me this morning to see if there was something in particular I wanted so he could keep an eye out for it. Meaning particular items or anything.
He is the mixed signal king and I truly believe he has no idea what he wants or anything else. It's like talking to a confused, jacked up teenager.
So that has been my day. I am now exhausted and completely ready for bed. I am still so confused how one person can obviously have feeling completely contradicting what they say and yet somehow they believe their own words even when no one else does. Hello MLC!
