Ed, maybe this is something you should focus on a little bit... It may well help in your quest for detachment.
Now, I'm FAR from the authority on "How to Detach" as I struggle with this more often than not. I'm definitely doing a MUCH better job now than I was a few months back, but I'm FAR from where I need to be.
I do know this though: Detaching ISN'T about stopping the love and care you have for your W.
It's about DETACHING YOUR feelings from HER thoughts and actions... Not allowing your mood or mental-state to be dependent on what SHE says/does/doesn't say/doesn't do.
The best advice I can give on detaching is this: GAL!!!
The more you're able to GAL, the easier it is to detach.. The more you can see that there IS a life outside of your inner turmoil, the more likely you'll be able to make progress on your detachment.
Detachment is about SAVING the love you have for your W for a time that it's more appropriate to show... You can't torture yourself with what SHE'S doing/thinking/feeling or you'll eventually burn out completely.
I'm sure you'll get plenty more advice on detaching... And I'll be reading closely!
As far as the ring... DON'T mention it. Keep it in the back of your mind for "One Day". It'll be a wonderful surprise to her if you move down the path of reconciliation.
But telling her you found it won't suddenly change her mind.
And don't beat yourself up over missing a text now and again. It happens.
Remember that when your wife reaches out to you with all the issues she's having personally, listen, validate, and listen some more. Be there for her when she reaches out... as that's the best thing you can do right now.
And trust me, No one on this board thinks you're a lost cause because you told your wife that you'll be there for her in her time of need.
So tell me again... What GAL related stuff are you working on?
