Starsky, I wasn't quoting you, I was quoting chatterbug. My reference to your post was in regards to the one on page 10:
Originally Posted By: Starsky
This is what I think is happening here in her mind: nearly all cheaters use some sort of compartmentalization and rationalization to justify their destructive behavior. For some, it's "Well, you were being an ASS (and they will give you examples of where you were "mean" to them, or even emotionally "abusive") . . . or, they will try to CREATE these moments, thru classic "fight-picking."
When the betrayed spouse behaves with dignity however, like Alkaline has done, there's no "ass" card that his wife can play, so she plays the "Well, you didn't FIGHT for me!!" card.
It's all b.s., and this is how you can know:
HAD you fought for her (in any way other than foot rubs and such) . . . had you exposed her affair for example, or hired a P.I., or confronted her OM at his place of work or something . . . had you done ANY of those things that some of the more aggressive strategies advocate . . . you know what she would have said THEN??
Wait for it . . .
"You're controlling!"
With this sort of attitude about a WAS, I would wonder why any LBS would ever want to reconcile with them? I would think the LBS would figure "good riddance" and consider their leaving a blessing.
I think it's okay to disagree with someone here without having an "issue" with them, isn't it? AT should have the opportunity to consider all of his options. I'm glad your approach worked for you. It doesn't work for everyone, because not every situation is the same. AT will and should make his own decisions and I won't be insulted at all if he throws my advice out. I would hope you wouldn't be insulted simply because I see things differently than you.
