The run was Fun! At first chilly, but overall was a good time. More of a fun-a-thon than an actual marathon. Good times with good people.
So on my drive home, I receive a text from W. Stating she's impressed with me for doing the run. She then invites me to go to the festival, "been trying to think of a way to ask all week". I don't reply as I'm driving. Also, a part of me wants to say no. That part is due to her involvement with an OM; and everyone we will most likely run into will view me as a cuckold.
So I make it home and we chit chat about the run. She comments ob some new clothes that I bought last night. She looked through the bag while I was gone. She liked what I bought. Then we talk about the festival and she gets tearful. That leads into a R talk. She let's me know she's still confused. She feels safe and secure living with me. She NEEDS the validation from OM (she makes a connection between her mom treating her like [censored] and not giving her good attention). She doesn't want to file for a D. I tell hee neither do I, but provided a R continues with OM or anyone else for too long, that I will. She was mad when I told her I didn't want to be a cuckold. She gets pissed when I call it what it is. All in all I know I validated many of her emotions and it was heard, ranging from how I contributed to the demise if our M on top of her "screwed up" life before me; the shame, guilt, and embarrassment she feels (especially in regards to my family - she said she wanted to attend my SIL's party but was afraid of how she would be treated. I tried to convey that they don't know everything and they too love her. I left it at that and she could come if she wanted too). She confirmed most of my validations. She cried often. My eyes were a little wet at times, but not tears. I may have put too much of myself out there / a possible future of us. Not heavy, but mentioning it as a possibility. She did welcome a hug. I ended up going to the festival. Much of the time I wished I wasn't there due to awkward feeling on my behalf. I focused on the kids as much as possible. I left a few minutes earlier than her, with 2 of our 3 plus my niece, so we could go to SIL's party. I whispered invisible hug to her before I left, she smiled.
So at the party I tried to maintain a PMA, half of the people knew of the separation, the other half didn't. Again, a weird feeling if being a "single parent" at a family function, especially based in the conversations we have had today. I did find 2 good ICs for her to choose from. One definitely promarriage and the other well versed in trauma, encourages no sudden changes - don't divorce because of the trauma not caused by me. So we'll see what she does that with the info when I give it to her tomorrow . Where / how do I go from here...other than continuing to improve myself. Any special changes if damage control I should do?
