Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

H came home late for supper tonight--around 9. He claimed that he was having a drink with this old friend who he suddenly seems to be seeing a lot of. Once again, he had nothing specific to say about his friend--not one single fact. I don't believe he saw him for a second.

He had been drinking and was a bit out of it. He was also a bit aggressive and looked to me as if he was spoiling for a fight. I asked him if wanted some soup and he said yes. He then proceeded to take all of it and I said that actually I was planning on having some as well. His response was, "Well, not now, you aren't". I didn't react and he ended putting some of it in a bowl for me. At another point, he said something about me being mad. I was recounting something and he didn't believe that I was quoting the person correctly. I didn't let myself get hooked.

He had his head in his hands and looked as if he was falling asleep and I said, "You look ready for bed". His answer was, "Not at all, I'm just thinking". I don't know whether he expected me to ask what he was thinking about but I didn't.

In some ways, I'd nearly be relieved if he brought up the issue of our R and his unhappiness. I'm ready to DB, listen and validate. I feel on tenterhooks at the moment and I'd love to move onto the next phase.

He'd said that he wasn't getting back from his trip last night until 9 but ended up coming home around 7.30. I think that he'd given himself some extra time after his train got in but didn't end up using much of it.

I had moments today of thinking that I have a good life and would still have a good life if he chose to move out. I do worry about what it would do to S17 and D15 if he left though. S13 wouldn't notice.

We always go out on Sunday evenings so we'll see what happens tomorrow. Of course, he will have gone out in the afternoon without accounting for any of that time and will smell of alcohol. Weirdly, he seems to have started drinking since he stopped smoking. Before that, he was being weird and secretive about food (claiming he was trying to lose weight but sneaking food).

I still wish I could genuinely focus less on him. I give him too much attention (at least internally).

Any advice welcome.