So lets get this straight. You man is clingy... So you leave and have an affair and you want him to be even more clingy to win you back.
I'm sure there's something between "clingy" and "don't let the door hit you in the @ss on the way out." I'm just saying that I don't often see the sort of reaction described by AT in his convo with his W. It sounded like she was trying to communicate something she needed and wasn't getting, in a situation where it sounds like open communication was always a problem. BIG red flag, from my perspective. If the attitude is going to be all "gloom and doom" and tar-and-feather the WAS as Starsky lays it out in his post, then I don't know why anyone ever bothers to try to save their M.
Originally Posted By: AT
I still feel it deserves a "Glad you're home safe... And you're welcome" response.
I agree. There are DB rules that say you shouldn't. Those rules don't work for everyone in every situation. I think YOU have to do what YOU feel is right, something that you can look back on without regret. In 6 months, if your M fails, would you look back and regret politely responding? If you ignore some of the convo last night and stick to the "rules" today, does that give you solace? Will a polite response really make or break your sitch? Will 50 polite responses? Responding is not chasing, in my book anyway.
At this point in the S, everything is measured under a microscope. That microscope is formed by our own perspective and our own feelings about the situation. Whereas a response or lack thereof in another sitch would have been irrelevant either way, the current sitch places a whole different spin on it. What is SHE wanting and why? If you read ScaredSilly's thread, you can see how she is measuring every response her H makes (she was the LBS, is now sort of the WAS, her H is trying to reconcile.) Does he respond timely? Does his response show real investment in thought and effort? Is he taking this long because she's not a priority? Etc., etc. SS is measuring because she actually would like for the M to R. Sometimes his actions are very well received by her. If she didn't want to reconcile and her mission was to end it, everything would be interpreted negatively regardless (I believe. Correct me if I'm wrong, SS.)
Taking the pictures was a good thing, I think. Did you ask to keep any? Did you want any? This is what I would be noticing as I was packing up my things and moving out from my H. I would think, "He claims to care, but does he? He's letting me take every picture and our wedding video. He seems so focused on OM, but completely indifferent to what we once had, letting go of every reminder of us. Does he care? Or is this just a control thing, a pride thing, something to salvage his ego?"
Now you're going to go completely dark, with nothing to remind you of her, and expect her to dump OM and trust you unconditionally, even though she trusted you before and you let her down. Meanwhile, OM will be doing everything wonderful, meeting her needs, building a future with her, etc., .....while you sit back and remain dark and wait for her to "come to her senses."
Yeah, as a WAW, this part of the formula has always been tough for me to digest.
