Help on how to behave

[sandi2]

She's still trying tactics to get what she wants. You don't have to accept disrespect and you don't have to accept being bullied. Some newcomers mistakenly think that is DBing, but it’s not.

This behavior seems to be common with a lot of WAW's. In her mind, she wants out....plain and simple. If the LBH doesn't bow down to her wishes then she keeps trying different tactics trying to see which way will pressure him enough to finally give her what she wants. I've read stories from several men who come to the board who want their W back so much that they're willing to do anything. Sad to say, but some have seen just how low a WAW can get. B/c she doesn't think about the H she's leaving behind. She doesn't care how damaged he is financially or emotionally. (IMHO, that is what she meant when she said you owed it to her.). It's all about what she wants to be happy. She's just as desperate to get out of the M as the LBH is to keep her. A lot of H's have actually got so sickened by the actions of his WAW that he decides he doesn't want her anymore. But before running out to file for a D, he should understand that this is almost “protocol” for her and what he’s feeling is to be expected. Just don’t respond by acting on those feelings. If you know what is coming, then prepare…..just like you would if a storm was headed your way

This doesn't happen with all the H's. But I just want you to brace yourself to expect the worst. Some think that's too negative, but if you look for signs from her and get your hopes up over little things....then you will experience the same feelings as when you got the bomb over & over again.

Am I saying to give up and never have hope? No. But I am saying that it's going to get worse. I can only think of a few times that it hasn't happened in people's stitch here on the board. If you keep your head and emotions intact, and you prepare for whatever you think she could possibly do to make matters worse....then I think that's being realistic and you won't be completely blindsided by future tricks she pulls out of her bag.

That's why some LBH's can't be best friends with his WAW for quite some time. Maybe never. Hopefully, there will come a time you can be friend..ly to each other, but being friendly is not being best friends. It's not letting her take advantage or disrespect you. Instead of trying to prove how much you love her, you need to protect you and your children financially.

You prepare mentally as best as you can. If need be, think of things she may say and how you will respond. I know of some who actually would practice in front of a mirror. If that's what it takes to keep your feet planted, then do it. Otherwise, she'll keep you knocked down.

The mistake so many make is they don't believe their W would ever do those kind of things, and therefore, they will not listen to what people on the board try to tell them and they set themselves up to fall. I am always telling newcomers that this is not the girl you M anymore.

By the time a LBH comes here, the W is done. She doesn't want to work on the R. She's through. That's why doing all those things you should have done years ago doesn't work well. I'm not talking about improvements on you. I'm talking about romantic things, etc. It's too late for that now. If the M is reconciled and the two of you find a good pro-marriage C, then you can do those things later. But now isn't the time. You have to take a different avenue right now.
Your W will get very angry at you. Expect it. You will feel that there isn’t any hope for the two of you. Expect to have those times. But if you continue to stand your ground by doing what you know is right, she will begin to see the man she M and she will begin to respect you again. It will take her time. She won’t even admit it to herself for a long time…..but it will happen.