Tadpole, In the very early stages, denial, I did not know exactly what was wrong. The malaise just continued to worsen until it was full blown depression every day. I did know when it hit full force that something was wrong but had no idea what. My goal and I say that very loosly was just to survive the day. That goal was I hope I was alive by the end of it. I would look in the mirror and think Im staring right through myself. There was nothing of substance there.
In hindsight now, I believe there are two types of MLC's, A internal one which is full of depression self loathing and discust but you do not act out. You delve into your soul if you will and eventually find the cause and hopefully work to complete the task. This does not last as long as an external one if you realize the issue is from within.
The second type is external where they run and project there anger outwardly, and project the answer outwardly. Cars, runnig away etc. Anything and everything to escape the pain.
Understand, this is only my opinion. I had an internal MLC. 1/2 of it I don't even remember because I was in a complete and debilitationg fog. What I mean by that is I dont know how i didnt lose my job, and basically everything.
The pain started to lessen when I realized, I was the answer and nobody else. I believe this is why people don't come out of it. Realizing you are responsible is a tough lessen for human beings.
