This is what I think is happening here in her mind: nearly all cheaters use some sort of compartmentalization and rationalization to justify their destructive behavior. For some, it's "Well, you were being an ASS (and they will give you examples of where you were "mean" to them, or even emotionally "abusive") . . . or, they will try to CREATE these moments, thru classic "fight-picking."
When the betrayed spouse behaves with dignity however, like Alkaline has done, there's no "ass" card that his wife can play, so she plays the "Well, you didn't FIGHT for me!!" card.
It's all b.s., and this is how you can know:
HAD you fought for her (in any way other than foot rubs and such) . . . had you exposed her affair for example, or hired a P.I., or confronted her OM at his place of work or something . . . had you done ANY of those things that some of the more aggressive strategies advocate . . . you know what she would have said THEN??
Wait for it . . .
"You're controlling!"
Thanks Starsky. You know, maybe I regret a few times that I didn't answer emails or pick up the phone... It's my nature... Everyone who knows me says one of my biggest faults is that I'm just too "sweet" sometimes... that I will let someone walk all over me so I don't hurt their feelings... and I'm not going to lie and say that when W complained about things like me not fighting for her, not answering her communications, and just becoming cold that it doesn't sting... Bad...
And MAYBE it wasn't the right technique to bring her back to the M.
But it WAS the right technique to get me where I am today. Feeling strong and confident in me. Setting boundaries and living with them.
SH!T, I miss her more today than I have in months. There's a part of me that wants to pack up the car and go wait outside her house with a boombox playing Peter Gabriel songs. There's a big part of me that wants to bring the fight to her doorstep and make it abundantly clear that I'm not done here.
But through my words and actions last night, she knows that I want to do that. She now knows that I'm fighting in the only way I know how right now. And she knows I love her with all my heart, but I can't continue pursuing someone who hurts me consistently.
It's weird to feel so fulfilled in my actions and so awfully depressed that she's gone again. It's going to be a hell of an internal struggle to not reach out to her this weekend... But I know I shouldn't...
No matter how badly I think I NEED to answer that text... I shouldn't.
