Hey Chatter... Sorry, but I'm gonna have to say some R related stuff today... But it'll only be on the board, and once I dump here, I'll try to keep my mind off it.
W Texted me at about 2:30 in the morning, saying she was sorry if she was waking me and letting me know that she was home safe, thanking me for sharing my feelings with her, and telling me to take care of myself.
I want SO SO SO badly to respond to her "Glad you made it home safe W. Hope to hear from you again some day"
But I haven't responded at all yet.
Denver, thanks again for your kind words. This morning I still feel pretty good about myself and what I was able to accomplish yesterday (and I'm not too hung over, so that's nice )
Many of her words are ringing in my head, but mostly about what Crazyville has been stating here... About the "lack of fighting".
It's funny that you brought up the fairy tale stuff Crazy, because W brought up the same thing a few different times in a few different ways... That she's "not like other girls" but she still has this idea in her mind that I should have fought harder for her... She reminded me of a few movies we'd watched together, telling me that, as silly as it sounds, these were the things that I would have done if I really wanted her back. Instead, she insisted that I simply let her go and gave up on her.
I reiterated (probably too many times) that all I was doing was honoring her wishes and actions. That when she asked me for time and space, I gave it to her... Then when I found out about OM, I gave her a WHOLE lot more.
She told me that she was sad that I didn't respond to her second email about a song she'd heard that reminded her of us... and she said that after pouring her heart out in that email... after reaching out to me to see how I'd respond... that she was devastated that I didn't respond at all.
That, she claims, is when she "Knew" we were done.
I explained to her that by the time she'd written that email, I'd found out solidly about OM.
She told me that she didn't know who I was anymore, that she didn't understand this "Cold hearted person" that I'd become... a person that I'd always hated... but here he was.
I let that slide.
I reiterated my stance, my fight, and my actions.
I told her a hundred times that I care about her, that I care about us, but that I won't compete with OM for her love and attention. I asked that she stop contacting me until OM is no longer in the picture.
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do...
Until now, when I want so badly to text her back.
And until Monday when I'll want to email her one last time summarizing this weekend.
For now, I'll just wait. I'll keep loving W, loving myself, and hoping for the best.
)