So I've been letting people know as I talk to them that H and I are separated. It's surprisingly easy. I still haven't talked to my family yet (just via text) but plan on doing that today. I still haven't heard from anyone on H's side of the family. I texted him the other day to find out if he had talked to SS. He did. I told him that I was kind of hurt that I hadn't heard from MIL yet. He said she said she was going to call me, but wanted to give me time, as she figured I didn't want to talk about it. Well, he left on Tuesday and it's now Saturday. Still no phone call. Just makes me think sides are definitely drawn.
I think some of my friends and family are worried because I'm not falling apart or appearing depressed and miserable. They keep telling me to feel my emotions and deal with them. I feel like I am dealing with my emotions. Just because I'm not wailing and crying doesn't mean I'm not hurting. What it does mean is that I'm not letting my H's issues and craziness define who I am anymore.
People want me to mourn and be sad. Well, I've had well over a year to do that. Even before BD. I want to LIVE now. The past 9 months have felt like I was held captive, keeping my H's secret, and not living the life I deserve.
Now I know there will be days of sadness. There wil probably even be days when I won't want to get out of bed. But no more will I allow someone else's problems define what my life is about. NO MORE!
