My story - help please

[theUF]

Hi.

Here is my story. I will try to be as comprehensive as I can, but will probably not be as my head is in a million places right now.

Background : Got together at young age. Been together several years. Ups and downs in early years. Eventually she wanted to get married, and also wanted a kid. I held back at both, but agreed we should have a child as long as she understood my life situation. This was a couple years ago. I usually work long hours and can't really be depended on. Anyway, got pregnant and had a kid. Happy times indeed! Still work irregular. Try best as I can to combine family/work, but often I fall short. I change diapers and other dad stuff and take vacation for family trips.

Time before doomsday: She pulls most of the load with the kid because of my work situation. I realise that I have to step up and make changes to give us a better future together, and marry her if things go right. Start planning my strategy. More time off for one thing. Start slowly acting on my strategy. She talks a bit with a guy she met at a friends, and tells him she is attracted to him and he tells the same. I find out and she explained that it gave her a good feeling to see someone found her attractive, but it ment nothing more. She tells him she will not act on her attraction so no need to go there(she doesn't know I read that). She says, thought, that she wants to keep things open(not knowing I read that either) This guy is in a relationship which is also going bad atm. I'm pretty sure they are still talking frequently.
((I don't think it's anything serious, yet anyway, but feel like maybe he is a tool for her to make it easier leaving me))

Doomsday: I tell her if we give it a go she needs to cut contact with the guy. She says she doesn't want me to end up controlling and is afraid we will end up in same situation as the early year. She doesn't want to fall in that pit were I get suspicious of everything. After a lot of talking ends up saying it's over. I can tell she is serious. She was planning on telling me this even before said conversation. I am (like many have been probably) caught completely off guard and is destroyed. Even though we've been discussing the possibility we might not handle our relationship. She loves me, but is exhausted and doesn't want to try anything.
I try and try to persuade. Alas.

Couple days later(now): She asked me to move back to my apartment the following day, which I have done. We lived in my apartment for a couple years, but elsewhere this last year. Before started reading here I came to a conclusion. I need to work on myself, and keep my life on a healthy and good direction. She excepted a lot from me in our relationship, and I realised I took her more for granted then what I thought before. I accept and see that she is determined to call it quits even though it hurts for her as well.

Now I'm kinda doing a 180. I don't nag and I focus on myself. Don't contact her unless important. I stay positiv and happy around her. I also listen, ask follow-up questions, show I care. I don't talk about our relationship or anything negative/positive about it. I have to better myself, if not for her then at least for me, my kid and who ever will be my spouse in future.

Today I had the kid, she called me a couple times about not so important questions and then she came by and made dinner for all 3 of us. Then later took the kid and went home. She still come across as certain.

I really want us to work things out. I truly want to change for the better, regardless of our future or lack of it. I can't force her to stay. Don't really know what to do. I'm thinking to go solo in couples therapy. Should I ask her to join? I don't want to cramp her.

Any advice on how to proceed? Am I doing 180 to early?