In your first post, you said you had not been a perfect H but that you had had good intentions. Well, she may even have good intentions, but please don't believe you are anywhere near through with all of this. Even if she doesn't pick things back up with the same OM, she'll be exceptional vulnerable to another one.
I don't think you're into piecing yet. My story was different, but I've learned that there isn't much difference in women who want to walk away from a M. I learned that affairs are highly addictive. Even if the OM treats her badly, she returns for her "fix".
I don't try to be unkind, but you need to know how it really plays out in most cases we read about here. Your M can be saved with a lot of time and much work. It hasn't had enough of either one.
What I fear may be happening right now with her is she's spiting the OM by R with you. She got angry at him and the best way to get back at him is to stay with her H. But what happens when OM tries to make up? It may even be your W that makes the first move toward him. It depends which one feels the "withdrawal" the worst and the quickest.
From what I have read, experienced, and observed.....there is one thing and one thing only that works with a WAW who has been involved with another man (emotionally or physically) and that is to drop the rope and live your life as if you will be just fine without her.
As long as you are giving her all this "attention", she will not want you. I promise you that your sex life will go cold and she will return to her distant ways.
Anyway, you will find out pretty quickly how serious she really wants to work at the M. If she doesn't want any M counseling....that's a bad sign. If you do get counseling, please make sure he/she is pro-marriage or you'll end up in a D.
Regardless of how things go, I hope you stay here and post every day possible. Once in a while isn't good b/c people won't respond as much and it just won't help you as much.
I hope you won't leave Newcomers b/c that's where you need to stay for quite a while.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
