Staying off the ride 1 - mixed signals

[needgrace]

hi tumbling..

the back and forth you have experienced can be so frustrating and scary and can trigger all sorts of feelings... and can be a bit addictive in that you are always on edge waiting and hoping for the next "fix" to ease all those uncomfortable feelings..

i play games with my mind sometimes to take the edge off.. like remind myself that i am not ready for a healthy R w/ W until i get emotionally healthy and that this time is for just that, it is for me to grow and is necessary for any good R in the future..

and i remind myself that this is a long road... that my W also has her issues to work on and that any change, if it happens, will take time.. and how can i use this time for my best?

i also studied a bit about MLC and co-dependency and love addiction and... to reinforce that this is a long road and to understand it better..

i focused on finding new things... books, activities, people, sights, learning... as the brain loves novel experiences..

and i spent a lot of time here at the picnic with these wonderful people who helped me keep my back to the castle.... and supported me when i would turn around and the view would knock me to my knees to stand back up and stay on the blanket and focus on me.

((((((((( )))))))))))