I'm not trying to justify moving out, I'm feeling guilt for disrupting my children's lives.
How are you disrupting their lives? (you are not) Isn't it your W doing that? (yes) Do you think by moving out you'll not be disrupting their lives? (you will) What do you think the kids will think about you when they see YOU moving out of the home? (they'll think you're abandoning them)
Originally Posted By: nailinthecoffin
My other concern is that by not moving out, I'am not really giving her the space she might need to miss me.
You'll do far more damage by moving out yourself then any benefit you might get in helping her to miss you. The fact is if she stays in the home she'll probably never miss you. You also should consider this statistic:
Quote:
Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later
And what did these couple cite as the number one reason?
Quote:
In the marital endurance ethic, the most common story couples reported to researchers, marriages got happier not because partners resolved problems, but because they stubbornly outlasted them. With the passage of time, these spouses said, many sources of conflict and distress eased: financial problems, job reversals, depression, child problems, even infidelity.
So basically, if you just stay together and don't even try to work on the problems the chances are very good that eventually you'll outlast the problems and be happily married again. My W moved out, but it is NOT what I wanted. I wanted her to stay. I felt strongly that we could outlast this setback. But I couldn't force her to stay and I didn't try to. If she's set on leaving then support her decision. But don't let her browbeat you into leaving.
Look, there's every reason in the world for you NOT to move out. You are stubbornly refusing to hear the reasoning. You have some delusion that you will help the kids by moving out, but in fact you will harm your R with them. Simply put, there's not a single good reason for you to move out, and there are many reasons for you not to.
