Well, it's here. Last night, W told me that she'd be at "our" house around 1:00 pm today... and she'll be texting me when she leaves central FL to let me know when she's on her way.
Haven't received that text yet... But that hardly matters.
I know that once I leave my office today, I'm about 30 minutes away from seeing her for the first time in months.
I left my house feeling good... It's relatively clean, I've put all the DB/Self-Help stuff in my car so she won't happen upon it, and I'm wearing all new clothes... Things that she's never seen me in... And I think at least I LOOK good today.
How do I feel? Well, like a herd of elephants is sitting on my chest. Like my brain is on a tilt-a-whirl that simply won't stop... Like I'm going to hear a bunch of things that I'd rather not hear...
But I can't do much about that right? I keep reminding myself that nothing I do can change her mind... That nothing she says will hurt any more than the actions she's already taken... And that even when she talks D today, that doesn't mean it's over... That doesn't mean my fight for this R has been in vain... Because I'm a better person than the one she left, and at least THAT part is permanent.
Keep me in your thoughts today and this weekend. I'll need all the positive vibes from the community to keep my head up.
