Zooland, The Trials and Tribulations Of...

[Zoo]

I posted this on Pam's jopnt thread and felt i should post it here as well since it contains positives that occured when I finally figured out i needed to just SHUT MY MOUTH

I'm doing better with the over-active thought process as well


Well, I have defintiely learned something from reading the current posts on this and Pam's current thread

NOW I have a better understanding of WHY my H goes bonkers when I aske him questions. I, in essence, am creating that "vaccuum" that PIB has brought up.

Can anyone say "stick me with a fork and call me a chicken??"

I think I may have been in the process of figuring this out on my own...I know I have been clamping down hard on the general question asking the past few days. I have been trying hard as hell to keep my conversations with H as limited to "I" statements as I can. If I cannot respond to something with such a statement I have been making myself keep my mouth shut. IF I cannot respond positively to H...I keep my mouth shut. It is taking every ounce of self-control I posess to accomplish this and I have had a monumental headache for a couple of days now, but you know what...

IT IS WORKING!!

This would probably be more fitting to post on my own thread but I felt it might work as an example for YOU Pam since we are both obviously "vacuum" freaks

By my exerting control over myself (despite my emotional pain) and applying myself to what I KNOW I have been doing wrong. By turning off the "vacuum" so to speak,

I HAVE:

1. had 2 positive R type convos with H and not been left with the feeling that it isn't "SAFE" to do so afterwards.

2. had H become more talkative again instead of giving me the silent treatment.

3. had H THANK me for helping him work on the chicken coop last night.

4. had H cuddle up to me and start touching me more again and holding my hand as well as kissing on me.

5. woke up to find H wrapped around me...and wearing his wedding ring, which he had tossed on the end table in the living room the night before because his fingers had swollen up (this might not sound odd to some...but normally H would just wait until time to go to work to put it back on...he got out of bed, looked for it, put it back on and came back to bed )

5.

Now I realize that your and CHL's sitch is a bit different from mine Pam but do you see what happened? By applying myself to clamping down on my "same old" behaviour I was rewarded. I did not EXPECT to be rewarded so quickly either. I was hoping for nothing more then to see H smile a little bit more and perhaps look at me when he spoke and maybe the other stuff would gradually start kicking in in a week or so.

Wouldn't you just LOVE it if CHL were to come over for some reason and, because you went the extra mile and shut off the vacuum and controlled your "old behaviour", YOU WERE REWARDED WITH A SMILE and EYE CONTACT??

Don't you dare try to refute that last statement of mine by saying "yeah, but I'm never going to see him again anyway so what would be the use?" THat would be opening that vacuum up again

I don't know if this helped you any Pam but it defintely opened my eyes to the err of my ways.

Hugz,
Zoo