really rough patch here and my emotions ruling my head. Still down to the guarantor issues. Long story but I said no.
Not sure if it was the right decision and still questioning it. Emotionally I wanted to say yes, with my head I wanted to say no.
I went with my head.
She accused me of all sorts. Said this was my 1 chance to support her in our marriage and that I could not do that. That out kids deserved it that I should be supporting them, that she does not understand why not (I told her why not when I said no). She accuses me of not trusting her in which case she is insulted. She also said she hates it that she needs to ask me, that she cant be independent without have to ask of others and hates that (which I understand). There was a lot more....She then finished by dont worry, I wont be asking anything of you again.
I have said I will support her in all other ways i.e. my responsibility with S with special needs (obviously), she can take whatever furniture she needs from the house, I will help her move etc and pay maintenance.
My reason was that I have been left with £40k of debt to pay, that we have negative equity in the house and that I could not afford to cover the rent if for whatever reason she could not pay. Basically she would get £540pcm housing benefits and the money paid to her to pay the landlord. The rent is £750pcm so she would have to top £210 from her other benefits. Truth is given her track record, the debt we have and the fact I think this maybe MKC - I dont exactly trust her with finances. I would never tell her this though.
I am also worried that once the lease expires there is the a big chance I would need to be guarantor again). If there is OM involved I do not want to be guarantor on a property for OM as well. Also because S has special needs I would not like him to have to face 2 moves in a relatively short period if i did not stand as guarantor again. He hates change and is very routine focussed - change can be extermely distressing and cause behaviours from him. He also never settles well at others houses at the moment.
But my emotions are taking over and I now feel incredibly guilty I have made the wrong decision. Truth is my had is clouded anyway at the moment and I don't trust my own judgement with this. I feel like she wants to be set free and I am the barrier. But there are alternatives (social housing, cheaper rents, different areas etc although she wants to be closer to S school that we are now and move local authorities so he could get transport).
